She was in school when we started dating. She was in her third year when she accepted my proposal. I was working and living my own life. The idea of the relationship for me was to wait for her to complete school so we could marry. I told her about it and she said, “I can’t wait to get out of here and become your missus.” Her only concern was work so she asked questions about it; “Does that mean you won’t wait for me to get a job before we marry?” I told her, “How long does it take to get a job? If a job search comes in the way, I would prefer we get married while you’re in the market looking for a job.”
My house became her house when she was in school. At first, she used to come around on weekends. Then she changed. She was coming around whenever she felt like coming around. Later, it was every day. She could stay with me all week and go to the campus from my place. It didn’t bother me. I wanted her to learn. I wanted her to get the grades so as far as she was learning, I didn’t have a problem. One day she told me, “I’ve called home for fees but they are delaying. They would send it but I understand my parents are facing hard times. If you could give me the money, I will refund it once they send me the fees.”
A day later, I gave her the amount in full. She hugged me and said, “If I didn’t get a man like you, where would I be? Thanks a lot. Once they send the money, you’ll have it.” Maybe it was the happiness on her face or the way she showed appreciation that affected my heart. I said, “You don’t have to pay back. When the school fees come, you can use it for other things. Students always have other things they can do with money.”
As the saying goes, you don’t do a good thing for a woman once and you stop. You do it once, you’ll live to do it again at some point. That was how I started paying her fees. I paid her last hostel fees, school fees and other fees that came along the way. She didn’t plead for it. She asked as if it was my responsibility to pay her fees. I didn’t shake my head. I paid whatever bill she brought from school until the day she completed. She was a good girl. Whenever she was with me, I lacked nothing. She would cook and serve. She’ll clean and do laundry. There’s always a difference in my life whenever she was around.
It was during her graduation day that I met her parents for the first time. After the events, she held my hand and walked me to her parents. She said, “Dad, this is Ofori, the guy I was telling you about.” Her dad’s face immediately lit up with smiles. He said, “Oh so you are the guy doing miracles in my daughter’s life? I was wondering why you hadn’t come home all this while. Good to meet you and let me also use this opportunity to thank you for all you’ve done for my daughter. She speaks so well of you.” Her mother shook my hand and said, “This is asiw prɛko pɛ. Come home when you’re ready. We would be waiting for you.”
That day, my status as the legitimate boyfriend was confirmed by her parents. She never mentioned it to me that she had been telling her parents about me. After that day, I felt it was time for me to also introduce her to my parents. It was Christmas day when I took her home. My siblings were home for Christmas so it was a big family gathering. I chose the right time to introduce her to them and they were all pleased to meet her. There’s something about Jennifer that makes you fall in love with her the very day you meet her. She’s very well socialized so immediately you introduce her to a new group, she mingles with them as though she had been a member of the group from day one.
She hit it running with my siblings, especially our lastborn. She was all over the place in the house making everyone her ally. I was in the corner looking at her and counting myself lucky to have her in my life. We spent three days and by the time we were leaving, everyone was asking her, “When are you coming around again?”
Marriage was the next step for me so right after her national service I asked her, “So what next? How long do you have to look for a job?” She answered, “I don’t know how long it takes to have a job but don’t you think it would be better for me to start doing my masters as I wait for a job opportunity? Maybe, being a master’s candidate can also speed up my job search. It’s only two years.” I answered, “If that’s what makes you happy, babe, go ahead with it.”
Her fees were on me but I didn’t shiver. A well-educated wife makes a proud husband so I was there for her. When I heard of a job opening I thought would fit her, I sent her CV. At some point, she stopped looking for a job and concentrated on her master’s but I didn’t stop searching. During the last year of her program, she got busier. I could see in her actions and how she was withdrawing from me. Our conversations became dull and one-sided. When she called and we talked, it was always about how busy she had become and how her program was stressing her. She didn’t come around like she used to. I was the one going to visit her often. I understood the dictates of the times so I didn’t complain.
She had only six months left on her program when I got a job for her. She told me, “This is the wrong time for me to start working, looking at how busy everything is around me. I don’t think I would do my best if I take on the role.” I was stunned. I said, “Jennifer, you can’t be serious. Who would say no to this? This is once in a lifetime opportunity you don’t have to throw away.”
It became an argument that turned into a fight. We’ve had a series of fights before but that fight was different. We both got to the ends of our emotions and said words we shouldn’t have said to each other. She screamed, “Why are you forcing what I don’t want to do on me? Who even told you that I would like to work in such an institution? I’m not in a hurry but if you’re doing this because of marriage then sorry to tell you, I’m not ready.” I felt insulted. I was working for her good but she felt I was doing it just to marry her. I screamed, “You think yourself so special to think I will do this because I want to marry you. I would do this for a total stranger. I will do this even for my enemy because I think it’s a life-changing opportunity.”
She didn’t take the job. We didn’t talk for days. I was giving her time to realize her mistake and say sorry to me but that sorry never came. She was writing her last exams when I sent her “Good luck. Go and make me proud.” She didn’t respond. One day my junior sister called me. She asked me, “What’s happening between you and Jennifer?” I asked myself, “How did she know something was wrong?” She told me, “I was chatting with Jennifer when I asked her about you and she said you two are no longer together. You broke up a month ago.”
I laughed—the kind of laughter that comes out when you’re angry. I asked her, “Did she tell you that? When?” My sister sent me a screenshot of their chat. That very day I went to her house. Her mother was there. I narrated everything to her and she said, “Jennifer, are you crazy? How many men would go this length to help their women? Are you out of your mind?” I asked her, “Why did you tell my sister that it was over?” She answered, “You spoke to my mom when you came here so go to my mom and ask that question.”
I took it as something we could resolve but not knowing she was serious about leaving me. The whole thing felt like a bad joke coming from a comedian who has never succeeded in making an audience laugh. It got to a point I was going to her house every day to get answers. Her father took it upon himself to resolve the issues for us but each day when I went to see her, her answer was the same. Her father called me on the side and told me, “Relax. Women are like that. They love the drama side of things. Hold back for a while and let’s see what would happen.”
It wasn’t about me. It was about a man she met while doing her program. Maybe the man had more than I had. Maybe it was because he was travelling in out of the country at will. Maybe he promised her more than I could ever promise her…she fell for that man and was looking for an excuse to leave me. I gave her one when that job issue came out. Immediately I knew it was about a man, I sighed heavily and said, “I won’t fight again. If after everything I’ve done for her she would choose another man over me then she’s not worth it.”
Her parents were the ones fighting my fight for me, especially her father. He told me, “If it’s not you, she can’t bring another man here to see us.” I told him, “Dad it’s ok. It happens. Allow her to choose her own happiness. What I did shouldn’t stop her from going after what makes her happy. It hurts but it doesn’t last forever. I will be fine.”
Seven months later. Seven clear months later, she’s here with an apology she should have given me seven months ago. I asked three questions, “What happened? Why are you here? What happened to the man who promised you a better life?” She said, “I’ve realized my mistakes. It wasn’t about any man. He was just a friend who came through when we were having trouble. I’m on my knees, please let this go away. I beg you in the name of God.” I closed my door and wished her a happy life.
My mom has called me asking me to forgive her. My dad has called. He said, “When a woman goes to that length and comes back, she learns to be respectful. Take her back and she’ll worship you.”
Her mom has called too. As for her dad, I called him to tell him what is going on. He was aware but he had decided not to be involved. He said, “I’m on your side on this one. Whatever you decide on, I’ll support you but make sure you choose what will make you happy.”
I don’t have any desire for her again. I was licking my wounds and counting my loss but my heart was in a good place. I don’t think I can love her the way I used to but she keeps coming back every day with an apology. Now, my neighbours have decided to join their voices to apologize on her behalf. Whenever she comes around, they come with her. It’s getting embarrassing but the fact that I hadn’t been tough on her says that I still have a soft spot for her. Should I or Should I not?
