A friend of mine introduced me to Kwame in 2020. I had just come out of a relationship so I was not interested in dating again. All I was interested in was friendship. Kwame had a girlfriend at the time. Which assured me that we would only be friends. As we got to know each other he opened up to me about his relationship. It was not a blissful one. From everything he told me, I concluded his girlfriend was seeing someone else. However, I encouraged him to remind her of their love and make things work.
“You should surprise her with a visit. I am sure she will be happy to see you,” I advised. He visited her and came back with a sad tale. The girl did not take kindly to his unannounced presence at her doorstep. “I felt so much anger coming from her. I didn’t have a choice but to leave.” I continued to pump him with hope to keep trying. Unfortunately, none of my advice worked to rekindle their love. He had no option but to set her free.
A short while after their break up, he asked me to go get ice cream with him. I figured someone going through heartbreak could use some comfort dessert so I agreed to go with him. One moment, we were eating ice cream and having a conversation, and the next moment his lips were embracing mine. I was surprised and so confused that I couldn’t kiss him back. After he pulled away, I gathered my things and told him I’d like to go home.
When I was in a car heading home, he sent me a text, “Lorie, I like you and I want you to be my girlfriend.” Given that he mauled my lips in the ice cream shop, his proposal did not come as a surprise to me. I had only considered him as a friend until that moment. So I asked him to give me time to think. I searched my heart deeply and found that behind our veil of friendship, a part of me had fallen in love with him. I didn’t waste time. The moment I realized my feelings I texted him, “Kwame, I also feel the same way about you. I will be your girlfriend.”
I’m a curvy woman, the kind men move heaven and earth to get a taste of. Because of this, I know that men would serve me lies and fake promises in an attempt to take me to bed. So I made a personal vow that I wouldn’t sleep with anyone until we are married. Kwame agreed to my rule in the first year of our relationship. The only thing he asked in return is that we kiss once in a while. “Sure,”
I said, “A few kisses here and there wouldn’t hurt.” Little did I know that it never ends with just a kiss.
In our second year, one kiss got out of hand. And we ended up going all the way. It was my first time so I bled. Kwame thought something was wrong. He started panicking until I told him, “Babe, it’s okay. There’s usually blood when it’s a woman’s first time.” He couldn’t believe that I was in my twenties and a virgin, but the evidence was branded on his sheets. It made him happy. It also made him addicted to me. He always wanted me to be around him. He wouldn’t even let us go on dates. All he wanted to do was shuperu. It became too much. So I made it a point to visit him only once a month.
Still, in our second year, he completed the university and started his national service. Things were not easy for him at that time but I stood by him. After national service he was unemployed. So he started working as a welder so he wouldn’t be completely dependent on his parents. I stood by him during those times too. When he got tired and started complaining, I encouraged him to hold on.
We prayed and trusted God for something better to come along and he heard our prayers. Kwame’s mother used her connections to help him get a government job. He was posted to the Eastern region. He didn’t want to go at first but I persuaded him to give it a try. Nothing changed between us when he went there. I visited him once a month like always. Unlike him, I didn’t go to the university. So he promised to help me go to school. He advised me to register for Nov/Dec and better my grades for our course. And I went ahead to register.
This is all to say that we were in a good place. There were times I would visit him and he would tell me, “Why do you have to leave? Your teaching job doesn’t even pay you well. Quit and come and stay with me. I will take care of you.” As tempting as his offer was, I always told him, “Kwame, I will move in with you tomorrow if only you perform my marriage rites first.” He would then smile and change the subject. He always helped me out when I needed money so it didn’t make sense to me that he shied away from the subject of marriage.
As he settled into his new job, a lady was transferred to their organization. He lives in the company guesthouse, and so does the new employee. Their rooms are opposite each other. I know about her because he told me they were friends. There was even a time I called him late at night and he was in the girl’s room. I asked if anything was going on between them and he denied it, “How can you think that way? She is new to town so I’m just showing her around. I love you so rest your mind.”
Shortly after that conversation, he changed toward me. He wouldn’t answer my calls or return them. He ignored my texts. And when I managed to get him on the phone, he would be rude to me the entire time. I didn’t know what was going on but I hoped he would eventually come around. I hoped whatever demon had possessed him would set him free, so he would be mine again. Sadly, he only got worse. His behavior continued until he told me one day, “There’s something I need to tell you. I don’t want to say it over the phone so find time and come and visit me.”
I am not one for suspense. I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest until he tells me what was going on. So I pushed him, “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I can handle it.” That was when he confessed, “I am so sorry to do this to you. I didn’t mean for this to happen but it did. I am in love with another lady.” I was shattered. I forgot my surroundings and broke down in tears. The kids in my saw me crying and asked, “Miss Lorie what’s wrong? Did someone die? Are you sick?” I had to take the rest of the day off.
After crying my eyes out, I called Kwame and asked him, “What did I do that was so wrong that you had to fall out of love with me?”
He told me I did everything right. “It’s not you, it’s me,” he concluded. He also came clean that the girl he fell in love with is the same girl he claimed was just a friend. I felt pain like never before. I even called his parents and told them everything. They were just as surprised as I was.
I went to his place and had a conversation with the girl. I poured out my heart to her like I would a sister. She was welcoming, “I understand your pain. My last relationship ended because my ex fell in love with someone else, so I know how badly it hurts. However, you have to understand that the heart wants what it wants. I can do anything about it.” All I could say was “Wow!” I left the place without even seeing Kwame.
The last time we spoke he said, “I still care about you, Lorie. Can’t we just be friends?” I was so angry. I told him to leave me alone. I was just his friend when he had a girlfriend, then I became his girlfriend, and now the girl who was just his friend has taken my place. He calls me every now and then but I don’t mind him. I am still hurt by his betrayal. I try to understand his behavior but nothing makes sense. I know I can’t change things so I have resolved to move on, heal, and work on being the best version of myself.
—Lorie
