I met Kobby somewhere in 2019. I hadn’t spoken to him but I had a secret crush on him. I saw him as a very nice guy so I wanted to get to know him. After a month of admiring him from afar, I got the opportunity to talk to him and we became friends. It was through our friendship that I got to know that the handsome guy I was crushing on is an alcoholic. There was no single day that he did not smell like alcohol. In fact, the smell of alcohol became his natural scent. He wore it like perfume.
Kobby drank even when he was going to church, work, and important social gatherings. All efforts by his family and friends to help him change proved futile so they left him to his devices. When they saw that I had gotten close to him they warned me, “We know that he is a handsome guy but know that has a drinking problem. He will not change, we have tried. Be careful you don’t enter a relationship with him, if not he will frustrate you.” I understood their concerns because I had those concerns too. I had just gotten out of a relationship so I wasn’t even ready to be in another one, not to talk of a relationship with a drunkard.
However, our friendship continued. I wanted to see if there was something I could do differently from what others have tried in the past to help him. I started giving him daily challenges. The plan was for him to reduce his daily alcohol consumption gradually until it graduates to weekly drinking and monthly drinking, to the point of zero alcohol consumption. He agreed to do these challenges and gave me reports at the end of each day, which gave me the impression that he was doing it. I had moved out from the neighborhood he lived in, to a different place so I wasn’t there to verify the truth of his reports. I just had to give him the benefit of the doubt and take his word for it.
Along the line, he told me, “I appreciate what you are trying to do for me. I know my life is a mess and everyone who has tried to help me got tired and stopped. So it’s very touching that you are still here and willing to make me better. I am so touched to the point that I have fallen in love with you. Will you be my girlfriend?” I was taken by surprise because I wasn’t expecting it. My first response was to say no, but the truth is, I had also fallen in love with him by then. So I told myself, “Let me give him a chance. He has already admitted that my presence in his life is helping him change. So I am sure that my love will be what turns his life around.” And then I accepted his proposal.
When we started dating, there were days he got terribly drunk but I still didn’t give up on him. He said he was getting better so I trusted and believed everything he said. Until one day I asked his friends about the challenges I gave him. “What are you talking about?” They asked, “This guy has been drinking like a fish every single day. If he told you otherwise then he is lying.” I was very hurt that he had not even attempted one single challenge. I confronted him about it and we ended up arguing. Instead of accepting responsibility for his actions and showing remorse, he rather got defensive and that annoyed me. After the argument, I decided to let go of my anger and continue the relationship.
Things kept getting worse as time went on. He would drink so much that I would be scared he would die of alcohol poisoning. I would receive phone calls from his friends, “Kobby is passed out in a gutter.”, “Come and see the things your boyfriend is doing over here. He is so drunk, I am sure he doesn’t remember his own name.” These phone calls were always a jab in my heart. There were days I just couldn’t bear it and I’d try to leave him but he wouldn’t let me. He would cry and beg me to stay, “If you give up on me now, then who will believe in me? Please stay. I promise to change. I will do everything possible to get better.” And because I love him, I always believe his promises and stay.
Recently I found out something that made me realize that I have bitten more than I can chew. Apart from being an alcohol addict, he is addicted to weed too. And he doesn’t smoke his. He takes a drink that is prepared with alcohol and weed. That’s also something my boyfriend is addicted to. I regret my decision to ever get involved with him. We are always fighting because of this. What annoys me most is that he drinks it before he visits me and expects me to be okay with it. When I complain he tells me I talk too much or that I’m judging him. He is always trying to give me a reason for his drinking as if that would make it acceptable.
These days the situation has gotten out of hand, and I am very exhausted. The mistake I made was that I thought I could help change him but I have learned the hard way that I cannot. I am very sad about how this guy is throwing his life away. I really wish he can be helped somehow because aside from his addiction, he is a decent human being. And even though I love him, I don’t see myself getting married to him. As I write this, I want to walk out of the relationship but I don’t have the courage and the strength to do so yet. However, I know that one day I will wake up and decide, “I have had enough.” And I will walk away without looking back.
—Harmony
