I met Kofi a month after I gained admission to the university. A week after him, I met Joe. While Kofi was a single guy, Joe was married. They both wanted me but I didn’t bother giving Joe a chance. Why would I want to mess around with someone’s husband when I can have my own man? I gave Kofi all my love and enjoyed every moment with him. It was magical. The kind of love that blinded me to everything around me.
One month into the relationship and I never knew his house. We would always hang out either in his store or go to a restaurant. When I asked him to take me home he said, “Oh, that’s not a good idea. I live with my elder brother. And he has warned me not to bring girls home.” I didn’t think he would ever lie to me so I believed him. It’s interesting how you realize the signs you missed when you are no longer in love with someone.
A month later, I went to school and the relationship became a long-distance one but he promised me it would work. I would call him and he’d pick up and say, “Babe, I’m busy. Let me call you back.” But then he wouldn’t call back. I had to fight him all the time over the phone because he wasn’t showing any form of commitment toward our relationship. It was later that I found out in the most hurtful way that he was married. When I confronted him he told me, “Come on, you don’t actually believe those lies. I don’t have a wife. You are the only woman I am seeing, trust me” He already fooled me once, but I wasn’t going to let him fool me for the second time with more of his lies. The relationship was three months old when I walked away.
All this while, Joe was still chasing me around but I knew he was married so it was never going to happen between us. They say ninety percent of campus relationships do not work but sometimes you feel that yours could be part of the ten percent that works. This thought led me into the arms of Sam, who was a final-year student at my school. I thought we could beat the odds but it all fell apart when I caught him with a woman in his bed. Let me spare you the gritty details of the position I caught them in. This lady was ready to fight me physically over Sam, but I am not the type of girl who would fight over a guy so I left him for her.
After that experience, I advised myself, “I won’t date young guys again. They are not honest. They are not worth my time anymore. At least Joe didn’t hide the fact that he is married. Why not give him a try?” So I gave Joe a chance. I did it mostly because of money rather than love. Joe didn’t disappoint. He was financially supportive and all that, but he was also very jealous and possessive. After a year with him, I started looking for a single man I can build a future with. When Joe found out I was chatting with other guys he became angry. “I don’t understand your anger. You are a married man. Do you expect me to remain your side chick for the rest of my life?” I asked him.
That was when he started telling me that he would leave his wife. “Just be patient with me, I am working on it.” I was disappointed in him for saying that, “Why would you do that? It’s one thing for you to cheat but why break your home and destroy your family by leaving them for me? I don’t want that.” He then explained that I wasn’t the reason for his impending divorce. He said his wife and him had come to a mutual understanding to part ways long ago. Although I didn’t wish that for them, I understood that it was their decision to make.
Two and a half years later, there was no sign of a divorce. All he did was complain bitterly about her to me. And I always listened and watched him quietly. After another six months of waiting, I decided to move on with my life. That was when I met Steve. He was single and interested in me. By then I hadn’t completely broken up with Joe. And I didn’t want to start anything with Steve based on lies, so I told him I was in a complicated relationship. I asked him to give me some time while I sort things out. In the meantime, we had an on-and-off friendship that went on for over a year.
Every time I tried to leave Joe, he would talk me into staying. He would tell me his divorce is about to be finalized. He kept saying the same thing he had been saying for years. I got fed up so I eventually stood my ground and left him. I then accepted Steve’s proposal. Things were good between us. We even planned to spend an entire weekend together. When the weekend arrived he picked me up from my place and took me to his place. I told myself I wouldn’t do shuperu with him yet, that night every touch felt right and we ended up doing it. The next day he made me breakfast and we spent the rest of the afternoon together. It was really nice to be with someone who wasn’t always in a hurry to go home to his wife. It felt liberating.
After our time together, we went to a pharmacy to buy medicine for his friend. We took it to the guy’s place and Steve asked me to wait in the car while he delivered the medicine. I was waiting when a lady approached me. She introduced herself as Steve’s girlfriend. My stomach dropped that instant. I was filled with misery and I asked myself, “Why does this keep happening to me?” Before I could ask her further questions she left. The whole thing felt strange and creepy. How did she even know I was with Steve? I was confused and terrified at the same time. When Steve came out I confronted him, “Your girlfriend saw me sitting in your car and approached me. I can’t believe you lied to me. You are just like every man I have met.” He explained that the girl was his ex-girlfriend. Apparently, she lived in the same neighbourhood as his sick friend so she must have seen us together. He apologized for what happened but I have one foot out the door already. The whole situation with his stalker ex-girlfriend sounds messy and dramatic. I am not sure I want to get caught up in it.
Now Joe is back. He is saying he has finalized his divorce. He says he is willing to fight tooth and nail to have me back. I’m seriously torn in this situation. On one hand, Joe provides all my financial needs and I have grown to love him but I don’t like his possessive nature. It makes me feel like a slave. On the other hand too is Steve, a guy with a stalker ex. I am not sure I can trust him. Besides, our relationship is too new for me to ask him for money. I don’t know whom to choose or what to do.
—Lisa
