Growing up I have often heard people whisper behind successful single women. “She has money but she has never been married. It’s because men are afraid to approach her.” “She is doing well in life but she can’t keep a man. Her success has caused her to forget her place as a woman.” “At this stage in her life, she doesn’t have a child. She must be so lonely.” In the past when I hear these things I don’t think much of them. But now when I hear them I become worried that the same will be said of me. I am only twenty-one, and I am not successful yet. Neither have I gotten to the age where society expects me to settle down and start having kids. However, judging from my current situation, I believe that I will remain single for the rest of my life. This is my story.
I gained admission to a reputable university this year. I was home for three years after I completed SHS so you can imagine my joy when I finally gained admission to school. Before I reported to the school, I had armed myself with knowledge about campus life. My sisters who were already in the university also gave me advice. “University boys are very manipulative,” they said, “Don’t lose your guard with any of them. If not you will end up doing things you don’t want to do. And they will make it look like you liked it. So be very careful around them.” I listened with rapt attention and even strategized on how to avoid them.
When I got to campus I met a boy I attended high school with. He was my senior back in high school, and he was a few years ahead of me in the university too. Because he was a familiar face in a sea of strangers, I latched on to him. I told him, “You were here before I came so help me find my feet around. Tell me the best food joints, and which lecturers I shouldn’t mess with. Tell me the courses that gave you headaches and the ones that are easy to pass. Tell me everything I need to know to make my life here comfortable.” This guy agreed to do all that so I was always in his company and asking him questions.
As we continued to talk I realized that he was clueless about academic work. I had to find course materials on my own and navigate the difficult courses by myself. He wasn’t as helpful as I had hoped but he had become a friend so I kept him around. When it came to learning, sometimes I struggled to find a quiet place to study. My roommates were constantly loud and chatty so my room was a no-no. The lecture halls weren’t always conducive either. The library too was very far from me so it wasn’t convenient. I was complaining about my situation to my friend when he said, “Why don’t you use my place? I’m the only one in my room so no one will disturb you. It’s also not too far from your hostel so it’s convenient.”
It sounded like a good idea but I didn’t want to be in an uncomfortable position so I said no. He looked at me with confusion, “Why not? It works perfectly for you. If you are concerned that I will distract you then don’t. I won’t be around when you are studying. You will have the whole place to yourself.” That sounded safe so I gladly said yes. The first day I went there he handed me his keys and went out. I was alone and undisturbed. I had the peace I needed to study. A lot of time passed before I finally decided to go back to my hostel. Just when I was packing my books, this guy returned from wherever he went to. He had never behaved inappropriately toward me so I wasn’t scared.
I told him, “You are just in time. I’m ready to leave. Thank you for -” before I could finish my statement, this guy walked up to me and kissed me. I became uncomfortable and tried to break the kiss, but he held me tightly to himself. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move. “I have been wanting to do this for a long time,” he said. I was confused. I didn’t like the fact that he kissed me. I was uncomfortable that he put his hands on me. But I couldn’t ask him to stop either. I know he would have stopped if I had asked him to, but I couldn’t speak. Next thing I realized we were on his bed dry humping. That was all we did, there was no actual shuperu.
It happened again after the first time. And it continued to happen after that. We never went all the way. One day I brought up a conversation about it. He was getting touchy with me again so I asked, “What is this? What are we doing? What does this mean?” He told me, “Does it have to mean anything? I thought we were both having fun. If you are looking for something more, I am not in a place to commit.” I realized then that he wasn’t worth it so I ditched him for the rest of the semester.
When we returned to school the next semester, he was constantly blowing up my phone. “When are you coming over? I miss you.” I was not interested in being strung along so I ignored him. I told myself, “If he decides that he wants to commit I will listen to what he has to say, but until then, good riddance.” That should have been a win for me right? Wrong. I was feeling very empowered for walking out of that situationship until I started getting rashes down there. Initially, I thought it was razor bumps so I didn’t make a big deal out of it. But as time went on, I realized that it was spreading wide. It wasn’t itchy or painful. It was just rashes. I became concerned so I told my sister about it, and we went to the hospital.
After a series of questioning and examination, the doctor diagnosed me with genital warts. I didn’t know what to do with myself. If I had had sex and this was the result I would have known that I deserved it, but here lies the case it was just dry humping. I did my research and found out that you don’t need penetration to contract warts. It can be caused by skin-to-skin contact around the area. I didn’t bother to tell the guy who infected me about it. Knowing him, he would just start bullshitting about the fact that we did all that last semester so it couldn’t have been him. He would even say that he doesn’t have it. So I rather asked him for money to buy medication. I told him I wasn’t well. His response was, “I’m really broke these days.” I said okay, and didn’t bother him ever again.
My family is confused as to how I contracted the disease. They know I didn’t have shuperu, because I would have told them if I did. However, I can’t bring myself to tell them that I contracted it through skin-to-skin contact. I treated the warts but it is caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV) so it is still in my system. I have read that there’s no cure. Which means that whoever I sleep with will get infected. This is why I say that I will be single for the rest of my life. If I can’t have a love life, I hope to compensate myself with financial success at least. That is how I will become one of those single and successful women. People will whisper mean things behind my back without knowing my story. As I am sharing this story to vent out my frustration and to also create awareness about the disease, I also pray for strength to face the challenges that lie ahead of me.
–Ashley
