Growing up I chose elderly women as friends, and they were so fond of me because I was serviceable. I learned a lot from these women; cooking, housekeeping and relationship tips as early as age twelve. This exposure made me develop hatred for men because I saw how badly some of these women were treated in their relationships and marriages. Also, we were living in the barracks so I saw how some of the men used and dumped ladies as if they were nothing, and I felt so bitter about it.
In a way, I would say my hatred for men protected me from being exposed to sexual stuff. I say that because, though I was young and really small in size, men still tried to woo me. But I never paid them any attention so they never succeeded.
One afternoon I was returning from remedial classes when I saw a man. He was new to the barracks. I could tell because I knew all the men there. And he looked uncertain, as he locked his gaze on me. I didn’t want to encourage any communication with him so I walked past him and went my way. On another occasion, I was returning home from visiting a friend, when I bumped into this new man again. This time, he tried to talk to me but l just responded to his greetings and quickly walked away. The third time I met him he didn’t let me pass as quickly as I wanted. He pleaded, “Please, let me talk to you for a few minutes.” I didn’t want to be rude so I waited for him to speak.
He introduced himself and asked for my name. Then we exchanged some pleasantries and parted ways. From there, this man started to show interest in me. He did some investigations about me and found out where I lived. He also made friends with my best friend who sold groceries and started buying from her. After some time, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t mind him because I was afraid of getting hurt. I even stopped visiting my friend because he had the habit of waiting for me at her place. But the man will not be deterred. When he stopped seeing me at my friend’s place, he started sending his colleagues and my schoolmates to my house. They would ask me to walk with them, only for them to lead me to this man. After eight months of pursuing me, my best friend said, “Sis, I think the man is real o. Give him a chance.” I also talked to two mature women I had as friends and they advised that I get a little closer to knowing him for myself.
I thought about things carefully and concluded that I would give him a chance. I was twenty-one, and ready to get married so I could leave home. Why the rush? My mum was verbally and physically abusive. It’s the reason I found mother figures in the older women I kept as friends. So I saw this man who had relentlessly pursued me for months, as my ticket to leave my toxic home environment. I asked him to meet him at an eatery so we could talk and go to his place after. We met in the evening after he closed from work, and strolled to his house together. We had a chat about life and he said; “My last relationship ended last year. Since then, I have not had eyes for anyone except you. That’s why I am so happy that you accepted my proposal.”
Out of the happiness he felt, he started to touch me. I didn’t resist at first but when I realized things were getting out of hand I pushed him away and said, “Stop. I am not ready for that yet.” But he didn’t listen. He held me with brute force and had his way with me. It was when he finished that he realized I hadn’t done it before. He immediately started to apologize, “I am so sorry, I didn’t know you were a virgin.” The harm had already been caused so I forgave him and continued with the relationship. Going forward, he was gentle with me. He did everything so perfectly. I was new to relationships but I just couldn’t believe that someone could do everything right. He was just too good to be true. I didn’t have anything to prove that he wasn’t right so I just quietly observed him.
Along the line, he went on a peace mission and returned six months later. On his return, he bought clothes and other items for me. I then asked him questions about our future but he kept quiet all of a sudden. Every time I brought the topic up, he would go quiet. I should have picked a cue from that but I was too blinded by love or probably too naïve to notice it. It happened that one afternoon I went to his place to cook for him, as I usually did. He wasn’t home when I arrived but I knew where to find his keys so I took them and let myself into his apartment. After cooking I watched a movie while I waited for him.
The movie ended and he still wasn’t home so I took a magazine to read. When I opened it, a brown envelope fell out. I got curious and opened it. I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was a form he filled out during his polytechnic school days. As I read the form l began to weep. He had been married for about six years with three children. I saw their names and memorised them. I never slept over at his place so when he wasn’t coming, l put the keys where they belonged and cried on my way home. I couldn’t eat that evening, I was so sad.
Early the next morning, I went straight to his place after doing my house chores. When he saw me he knew something was wrong. He asked, “What’s wrong with you?” I answered, “I met a man on my way home yesterday, and he told me that you are married with kids. There are also rumours that I am snatching someone’s husband.” He interrupted me and asked, “Do you know his name? Describe how he looks.” He said the man is telling lies and that he was not married. So I started mentioning the names of his kids. That was when he started apologizing. I asked him why he went above and beyond to get me to date him if he knew he was married. His only response was, “You wouldn’t have agreed to date me if you knew the truth.”
I stopped talking to him after that, but he sent people to apologize to me on his behalf. After thinking things through, I went to see him and demanded compensation. That was when all the sweetness melted from him. He told me, “You accepted my proposal on your own accord. I didn’t force you to do anything.” I didn’t talk, I just left. Later, my best friend told me that his wife and kids had moved in with him. People started looking at me with judgment. So I decided to tell his wife about our relationship, in case someone tells her. I went to his house one evening and lo and behold, he was there with his wife. I knocked and entered and suddenly, he began to shiver. He started winking and pleading with me to go away. I pretended I hadn’t seen his gestures. He then introduced me to his wife as a friend who helps him around.
Due to pressure, he went outside to calm himself, while his wife started a conversation with me. She asked, “Have you seen a girlfriend around my husband?” I answered, “Yes. I am the one. We were in a relationship for more than a year, and he never told me he was married with kids.” She was amazed at how I could boldly tell her all she wanted to know. I said, “Your husband has taken me for a fool, so I am demanding compensation.” Immediately she said, “You are right. I am a woman like you and will not take this nonsense from any man. I’ll make him compensate you.” After some minutes, he walked in and his wife started an argument with him. She thanked me for being sincere and saw me off. Later, I heard rumours that the woman said I don’t deserve anything and that I was the one who threw myself at her husband. I wept bitterly when I heard this.
After some time his wife left, and this man came to me again trying to get my attention. I then started planning my revenge because I was so bitter. I told my best friend about his advances and she said she’ll fully support me any day to take that revenge. I didn’t know what my revenge would be but I accepted to meet him at a place he proposed. At first, I wanted to pour “Apian“some itchy herbs on his manhood and leave him to suffer. The itching gets worse when water is added. But later, I changed my mind and went empty-handed to meet him. We met at the place, went to a bar and got some drinks. All this while, I didn’t give him the slightest idea that I was up to something. We had some drinks, and he booked a hotel room. I smiled at him as we entered the room and he smiled back. Then he went to the washroom. That was when inspiration struck, I took his brand new phone and his wallet which had some cash in it and hurried out of the hotel, and picked a taxi.
A call came immediately the taxi took off and I answered it. He asked, “Where are you?” I took in a deep breath and told him I have compensated myself for the fool he made of me. He said, “Nonsense, what are you talking about? Bring back everything you stole from me, or else I will report you to your father.” I didn’t care about his threats. I was ready to face the consequences since I realised I had stepped on his balls. I took out his SIM card, threw it away and sent the phone to a friend’s shop to sell. This man had no shame. He actually reported me to my father the next day. My father called me for questioning and I told my father I wasn’t in any relationship with him. He used to send me on errands and forced himself on me on one occasion. My dad asked, “So why didn’t you report him to me?” I told my dad I was scared he wouldn’t believe me, and he apologized for not giving me the impression that he wouldn’t stand by me in situations like that.
This man still wouldn’t let the matter go. He told my dad that my best friend was a witness to our relationship. So my dad called my best friend but she collaborated on my story, which made this worse for this man. My dad threatened to report him to the authorities for what he did. That was when he dropped the case. I learned his wife went around telling people that I am a bad girl but I didn’t care. I served him hot pepper and that was all that mattered to me. Years after, he approached me again thinking I was stupid. This time, I just ignored him. Later, I healed and gave love another chance. And today, I am happily married with two beautiful children.
— Afia
