Three years ago, Sammy proposed to me. I had just come out of a bitter breakup so I didn’t want anything to do with love. I told him, “No I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. I’m just tired of you guys. You come with all the sweet words and later change as if you were not the same people who were once begging us for attention.” He realized I was projecting on him. He asked me to look at him for who he was. I did but saw nothing to make me fall in love with him. I brushed his proposal aside and went on living my life. He would come every now and then asking me to consider his proposal. I told him the truth and the truth was I was not ready for love.
I was mourning the death of a two-year relationship with David. He was everything I had and wanted in a man. He loved me and it showed. I gave him my all. I didn’t hold back. I didn’t hold any word back. I didn’t hide anything from him too but when the time came for him to leave me, he just sent a text. He couldn’t even give me the courtesy of a face-to-face breakup. He sent a text telling me, “I don’t think we can continue with this relationship again. I love you but some reasons won’t allow me to stay forever with you. You’re a beautiful girl. One day the right guy will find you and you’ll be happy.”
I called him. I texted. I sent him a voice note, crying and begging him not to leave me. I used a whole month begging him to stay but he wouldn’t even look at my face. While I was begging him to stay, he was also begging me to leave him alone. It was just around that time that Sammy came around with his proposal. I didn’t have the heart to entertain him or the mind to consider his proposal. At some point, I was even rude to him but he didn’t stop. He pursued me until I stopped picking up his calls and responding to his text.
Somewhere along the line, Sammy travelled. When he was leaving he sent me a message. He told me he would like to be in touch even though I wasn’t talking to him. I responded, “Safe journey and I pray you find a woman where you’re going.” When he got to Accra, he sent me a message. He woke up every day telling me about his day. I won’t respond but he would send a message anyway. Weeks later, he stopped. I wasn’t hearing from him again but every now and then he’ll cross my mind and I’ll wonder what he was doing. I healed eventually. I gave my heart out to someone else, a guy I knew from church. A few months into the relationship, Sammy came back to town. He came to see me and reminded me of his proposal.
I told him, “This even shows that you and I are not meant to be together. You always come into my life at the wrong time. A few months ago, I was available but you were nowhere to be found. You only appeared when I’d found someone else.” He didn’t give up. Maybe he thought I was lying to him. He thought I was using another person’s name as an excuse to push him away. He kept pursuing me until I introduced my boyfriend to him. I shouldn’t have done that but he left me with no choice but to prove to him I was in a relationship. I saw the hurt in his eyes. I felt the disappointment in his voice when he said, “No problem. Be happy.”
He left the frame of my love life but we talked when it was convenient. I was busy writing a different love story with the church guy and was loving every paragraph and every sentence. Eight months later, things started falling apart. He wasn’t talking to me the way he used to. He would miss my call and not call back. He wasn’t even coming to church often. All I got were excuses. I had to beg to even see him in his house. He was doing everything my ex did when he didn’t want the relationship again. It was obvious but I didn’t want to accept that an eight-month relationship could come to an end. I was holding the blocks from falling down. I had to patch things here and there so they don’t come falling apart. It is always hectic and soul-killing when trying to save a relationship that doesn’t want to be saved.
I got tired and stopped trying. It was when I stopped trying that I saw the truth. He had found another lady in the church. She was well to do than I was. She had a great job and a beautiful car and was obviously in love with him too. He didn’t know how to let me go or he knew how but was difficult for him. When I saw it, I retreated. It was hard but I couldn’t fight a war I had no chance of winning. I came back home single, lonely and broken. Sammy was there, he saw my state of mind and tried to help me. He’ll call often and ask how I was doing. He would ask me out and I would follow. He would crack jokes to make me laugh. I got jilted a week before my birthday. It was Sammy who got me a gift and sang a happy birthday song to me.
Three months later, I’m totally healed, thanks to the help of Sammy. He was there from day one and he made it possible for me to forget that guy quickly. The issue now is Sammy hasn’t proposed again all this while. He had been busy being a friend I could call on, forgetting that this is the time he has to strike. I’ve been waiting. All these years that I was saying no to him, he never left me. He was always closer giving me the chance to know him for who he truly is. I’m in love with him now and I would say yes if he proposed to me today but as I write this, there’s nothing in his demeanour that suggests that he’s going to propose anytime soon.
I’ve made it obvious to him that I’m available. Whenever we talk, I try my best to skew the topic to relationships. I asked if he was in love with someone else. He said no and went quiet. I was pulling him into a territory where we could both be free and discuss relationship issues but he didn’t take the bait. I’ve been trying. I’ve used all the tricks in the books to get him to propose again but he hasn’t. Should I go ahead and accept his previous proposal? As in, “Sammy, you remember the proposal you made some time ago? The one you said you wanted me to be your girlfriend? Yeah, I’ve accepted it.”
Does that make sense?
I’m currently looking at no one else. I’m available for him and don’t want to complicate things as we move along. What can I do to get him to propose to me again? I don’t want to sound desperate. I don’t want to be the one to propose to him because I’m in love. I want things to follow the natural order of things. I want him to be the one to propose while I look deep into his eyes and say yes. I want to experience that feeling once more, the beginning of love and how it makes the heart mellow. I want to feel needed. Yes, I’ve made the wrong choices but this time, I know it will work with Sammy. How do I go about it?
–Fantasia
