Jibril is your typical workaholic. When I first met him I saw his dedication to his job as a green flag. Tell me, who doesn’t want a man who works hard? I played out our future together and imagined myself happy. In my fantasies, he always brought me gifts whenever he came home from a new town, city, or country his work sent him to. In my dreams, I always went to great extents to present myself as a perfect welcome home gift for him. And he always called me when he was away for work so we would talk about his new adventures. But hey, these were just wishful thinking.
I expected a fun relationship when I said yes to him, but what I got was a constantly tired boyfriend. Can you blame him? He was always working and traveling for work. He barely had time to eat or sleep. So I was not even on his list of priorities. We were together but I always felt so alone. I would call him and he wouldn’t pick up. If I got lucky and he picked up too, the network would be so terrible that we wouldn’t get one word across to each other. In the end, I would have to hang up in frustration. My texts usually got lost in the sea of messages he received all the time.
Who was I kidding? The guy was married to his work and I was the side chick he spoke to when he had some extra time on his hands. It was not a nice feeling at all. We were together for a year, and I only spent time with him five times. Out of the five times, I visited him twice and we went out on three dates. That was it. Even that, it was because I complained all the time so he had to make the time. We both lived and worked in Accra but it was as if we were in a long-distance relationship.
I loved him so much but the lack of attention did well to kill my interest in the relationship. Another thing that made me question our future together was his tribe. He comes from a tribe my family has warned me against. I know by saying this, most of you will jump to the conclusion that he is an Ewe. I am sorry but you are wrong. He is not an Ewe but he still comes from a tribe my family wouldn’t accept without a fight from me. Although the thought filled me with dread and anxiety, I was prepared to stand against my family until they accept him. The only thing I was not prepared to put up with is neglect.
So I shattered all the hopes and fantasies I built around marrying a workaholic. Something that used to be a green flag became a red flag for me. I knew I would have to accept to come second to his work. And I did not want to do that so I sat him down and we talked. “Jibril, I love you but you love your work more than you love me. And I can’t have that. So I believe it’s best we go our separate ways.” “Why would you just give up on us like this?” He asked. I could feel his disappointment but it had to be done. “I feel like I am dating myself. So I want to leave so that you can focus on work as always and I will also find someone who knows how to balance work and social life.” He tried to get me to change my mind. He told me things would get better, but I had already waited for one year. When would they get better? It was the hardest thing I had to do but I stood my ground and walked away from him.
I am the one who left him but I was miserable. My heartbreak was a testament of my love for him but what could I have done? I had to choose myself. He was heartbroken and so was I. We stopped talking for a while after the breakup but I knew everything he was up to. That is because I actively stalked him on social media. It was my way of loving him from afar.
I silently observed him until he reached out to me before the Christmas holidays. The first time he called he said, “I was thinking about you, so I am calling to see if you are okay.” I was happy to hear from him. We didn’t talk for long but the conversation filled me with nostalgia. He has not stopped calling me since that time. It’s not a daily routine but it is frequent enough to make me feel close to him again. Right before Christmas, I needed money urgently so I asked him for a loan. It was a huge sum of money, but he gave it to me immediately. He said, “This is not a loan. Consider it an early Christmas present.”
I was very touched by his kind gesture, and now I can’t get it out of my head. He hasn’t said he wants me back but he calls me regularly to check up on me and tell me about his life. I never stopped loving him so now I have fallen deeper in love with him. I want him back. I want to tell him how I feel. However, there is something holding me back. It is my fear of rejection. I keep asking myself, “What if he is with someone else and I am too late.” I don’t want to lose him. Please, how do I get my man back?
–Akosua
