When we started dating, Kwaw would hold my hand and take me to his friends and introduce me to them as his wife. Every new person we met had that introduction; “Hey, meet Barbara. That’s my wife.” They’ll shake my hand and say something like, “Our wife, you’re welcome to the family.” I didn’t know how to feel about it. We were brand new but everyone knew me as his wife so those who saw me in town called me Mrs Kwaw. Four years later they still call me that name.
I love Kwaw. He’s that guy who’ll put you first and put himself second. When I met him, I wasn’t working. He was also trying to find his feet in the mobile phone sales and repairs business. He has a shop he has divided into two; the front portion for phone sales and the back portion for the repair of phones. He’ll give me a monthly allowance even when he had complained that sales were slow. If something came up and I needed money to resolve it, he’ll come to my aid and help me resolve it.
I had finished my service when I met him. I wanted to help him grow his business with my school knowledge but any time I suggested to him to do something, he’ll brush me aside. He said, “That’s book knowledge. The street is different.”
Maybe he didn’t believe in the potential of my ideas or he thought I wasn’t clever enough to help in that direction. He put my ideas off until I gave up. I was home. I could have gone to his shop to help but he wouldn’t let me. I even asked him to make me his errand girl, anything to support his work and he shook his head. He told me I didn’t belong there. He asked me to find a job where I can belong because that was the reason why my parents sent me to school. Two years after dating him, I found a job. He was happy that I could finally find something to do with my life but I wasn’t happy that he didn’t give me space in his establishment. It made me feel like he didn’t trust my ability to help his business.
One Saturday morning, he called and asked me to come home. I didn’t have any plan to visit him that day and he knew it so I asked, “What for?” He answered, “Just come and you’ll know.” A few hours later, I was at his house. A few minutes later, A gentleman walked in—tall and good-looking like that. He came in with a lady I thought was his girlfriend. As usual, Kwaw held my hand and introduced me to him as his wife. The guy looked at my finger and realized I wasn’t wearing a ring so he asked, “Wife as in someone you’ve married? When did you marry her that I didn’t get news?” He smiled and said, “We are not married yet but this one here is more than a girlfriend.”
I shook hands with the guy and he introduced himself to me as Lukas. He also introduced the lady next to him as his junior sister. Lukas attended the same High school as Kwaw and they were best of friends when they were in school. After school, Lukas travelled out of town but because his family still lives in town, he comes around every now and then to visit them. When the visit was over I asked Kwaw, “You introduce me to anyone as your wife but ever since we started dating, you’ve never mentioned marriage to me. What are your plans in that direction? Do you have a time in your head that you would want to marry? Can I know so I get ready?”
He told me, “This is not the time to talk about marriage. This period is for making money. Marriage will come later when we get there.” I told him, “I know it will come later but I just want to know if you have it in your plans as of now.” He repeated, “This is not the time to talk about marriage. The right time will come.” He was thirty-one years old when he said that. I was twenty-seven but my man didn’t think we were in the right position to talk about marriage.
Coincidentally, I met Lukas in my office days after the introduction. He was like, “So I get to see you again. What are you doing here, Mrs Kwaw.” I laughed. I said, “Oh, you’re also singing the same Mrs. song? Anyway, this is my office. I work here so you have to tell me what you’re doing here.” He was there to see my boss. They were mates at the university. According to him, they were like brothers so when he heard he was in town, he decided to pass by to say hello.” I was the one who walked him to my boss’ office. After their interactions, he came to my desk with my boss to say goodbye. He asked my boss to take care of me very well because I was a person of interest.
Weeks later, I saw a call on my phone. The person said, “Guess who is speaking.” I wasn’t ready for games so I said, “Sorry, I’m very busy. If you want me to guess then call me later so we play the guessing game.” He laughed and said, “I’m sorry but this is Lukas.” “Lukas? What is Lukas doing on my phone?” He said he spoke with my boss and decided to get my number and say hello to me. “Wow, Lukas, that’s thoughtful of you but can we talk later? Maybe you can call me in the evening because I’m busy working on something.”
All through the day, I was thinking about him and what would make him call me. I’d wanted to call Kwaw and tell him his friend called me but he didn’t get my number from Kwaw so I was hesitant to tell him. I knew he was going to ask why he called me and I wouldn’t have the answers so I trod carefully with such information. In the evening he called and he was specific, “Kwaw shouldn’t know that I called you. He might take it wrongly.” My mind started going on a tour of his intentions. I told myself, “Time will tell.”
We kept talking, those silly talks that led to nowhere. One day he asked me, “So when are you two getting married?” I answered, “Honestly I don’t know. He’s your friend so why don’t you ask him?” The follow-up question was, “So if he comes today and asks you to marry him would you?” I answered, “Why not?” He screamed, “Ouch!” I asked, “What?” He answered, “So what happens to me?” I asked, “What do you mean?” He answered, “Oh don’t mind me. I’m only joking.”
No, he wasn’t joking. He made his intentions about me clear as the days go. He was cryptic about it. He left me to read between the lines oftentimes until one day he came out clearly that “I fell in love with you the very day I saw you but it was unfortunate you got introduced to me as a wife.” I told him, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do about it.” He asked me to try. He even told me he doesn’t mind being a side piece as long as I would give him the chance to prove himself. I felt he was tricking me. I thought maybe Kwaw had sent him to test my loyalty. “They are good friends. What if they are betting on me?”
So one day I asked Kwaw, “When was the last time you spoke to Lukas?” He answered, “Just yesterday. I was insulting him on our school’s Whatsapp group.” From the way he said it, I knew there was nothing of that sort going on so I called Lukas and told him I would give him a chance. I didn’t know what I was even saying and I didn’t know what that chance was going to be like but I felt he was an option I could explore.
I’ve been exploring him for the past eight months. He’s a gentleman. I know my sins but I’m somewhat grateful for the sin that led me to discover him. I’ve been to his place on several occasions on weekends. He’s a ready-made man. He tells me he’s ready to marry me if I can make up my mind. I asked him, ”What about your friend? Does it not bother you that he’ll someday find out about this and go crazy?” He answered, “Matters of the heart can be skewed against anybody. I like him but this is love so I won’t bother what he might say. If you leave him now, I promise you, a year from now we would be married and I will make it seem like you came along after he has left you.”
He looks genuine. His intentions are legit, looking at the many steps he had taken to prove things to me. I’ve dated Kwaw the longest. All my life, I haven’t dated a man this long and he’s my third man. If only Kwaw would make things specific to me and then I will know how to decide between them. I’ve given him the opportunity to decide our future but he’s bleak about it. I’ve been with Lukas for only eight months but he has taken me to the top of the mountain and has shown me the beauty of his dreams. He said, “If only you’ll bow out of that relationship, all these could be yours.”
I’m confused as to which way to go. Kwaw is not a bad man. He loves me but currently, he’s comfortable because he knows I don’t have anywhere to go. I wish he would tell me about his dreams but he doesn’t say a word about them no matter how hard I push him. Sometimes he gets angry telling me I’m too focused on marriage instead of praying for him to get a lot of money. “Dear, it’s not all about money,” I told him. “I just want to know where I sit in your future.” He answered, “I will get a lot of money in future and you’ll be here with me.”
Tell me, is that enough for a woman to make a decision?
Something tells me to walk away amicably so I can have the headspace to think about Lukas and what he brings on board. Something also tells me to be patient and see how things unravel. The good thing is, Lukas isn’t giving me any pressure. He has given me his house keys and has told me to come there whenever I want. It’s not that far, just about two hours’ journey and I’m there. My annual leave is only a month away. I’ve planned to spend the whole two months with him and see how things go. I don’t know if I’m making the right decisions or if the devil is after me. That’s why I’m here asking the question what should I do? Kindly tell me something and please be kind with your suggestions. I’m your confused sister, treat me gently.
–Barbara
