I have been trying my best to live a decent life but it looks like the universe doesn’t want me to. Everything that happens in my life sets me up to be the exact opposite of who I really want to be. I don’t want to be ungrateful for how far God has brought me, but I wish things were different. I am the fifth out of five of my mother’s children. And all of us have different fathers. Unfortunately for all of us including my mum, we grew up without any father figure in our lives. My mother had to do it all alone.
Because of our financial struggle, it became a norm in my family that everyone has to fend for themselves after completing SHS. It doesn’t matter what means you have at your disposal. All that matters is that you are surviving. So I started taking care of myself when I completed high school, and I have been doing it till now, at the age of twenty-six years old and in the university.
Interestingly, I am the only person in my family who has made it to the university. All my siblings gave up when they realized how expensive it is to take care of basic needs while working with a high school qualification. By the time they receive their salaries, prices would have increased and there is barely anything left to save for higher education. As for me, the only reason I was able to further my education is the men who come my way.
My father died before I was born. And as I stated earlier, my siblings and I didn’t grow up with a father figure. Maybe that is the reason I am attracted to only old men. I am sure that a part of me gives myself to these old men in an attempt to fill the void my father’s absence left in my life. I remember my first love; he was in his fifties. I had just completed SHS when I met him. I loved him so much but I am not sure if he felt the same way about me. He was the first man I slept with. But he broke up with me without any reason.
After a while, I met another old man. This one even had the same surname as mine. I loved him too, and he took good care of me. However, our relationship had to end at some point. After him, I dated a man who was way older than the previous two. This one was a politician. As always, it didn’t last. But I moved on with more old men. Although their presence in my life was short, I was able to get money from them for my upkeep and saved enough to go to school.
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My first course was a diploma. The plan was to get a certificate and use it to apply for a job so that I will earn my own money and stay away from the old men. However, after I finished the course, I was posted to do my national service in one of the biggest organizations in Ghana. When I was there my HOD found me attractive and we had a thing. He’s also an old man. Again, I was able to get some money and save to start a top-up program to get a degree. The problem is, the love of these old men doesn’t last. And I am tired of watching them walk out on me after they have sucked out whatever sweetness they came looking for. I want to meet someone I can build a future with. Above all, I want to live my life for christ.
So I prayed to God. I told him; “God, I don’t want to be sleeping around with these old men anymore. I want a job. So that I can take care of myself and pay my fees till I complete my degree.” It wasn’t just a one-time prayer. No, I prayed and fasted incessantly. I sowed seeds as well.
Not long after that, I was called for a job interview. During the process, I met an elderly man who promised me, “I have a say in who gets this position, and looking at your performance in the interview I assure you that this job is yours.” And I believed him. He didn’t tell me he was interested in me but I could tell that he was. In the past, I would have reacted to him in a way that will be encouraging, but because I didn’t want to have anything romantic to do with him, I did not encourage his subtle advances. Guess what? I got eliminated during the interview process, without any reason. READ ALSO: How stars showed up for Black Panther II: Wakanda Forever World Premiere
I’m running a small business but it’s not fetching me much because of my expenses. I’m living with my mother so I don’t pay rent. However, I pay for everything else. I have applied for several jobs but it seems diploma qualifications don’t hold any value in the job market. I have appealed to all the old men I know to help me get a job. But they all say, “No, I won’t help you get a job. If I do that, you will earn your own money and you won’t have any use for me anymore.”
I trust God, and I know that he does not want me to go back to a life of sin in order to survive. I know that He didn’t bring me this far to abandon me. I understand that his will for my life does not involve me warming the bed of old men in exchange for daily bread. My question is, how long do I have to wait for a breakthrough? What do I need to do to quickly have my prayers answered so that I can get a job? Maybe someone on this platform is an answer to that prayer. I am not asking for money or anything. All I need is a good job with my diploma certificate. Please, if you are here and can help me, kindly reach out to me.
—Abena
