Before Lexis, there was Mr Banaman, a man who was over thirty years older than I am. I was dating Mr. Banaman but I was looking for someone I could call my own. Apart from his age, he also had a family; a wife and four children, so obviously he wasn’t mine. He had money and was ready to spread it on me so when he asked me to date him, I said yes, regardless of all the impediments I’ve mentioned. We dated for over a year with the understanding that when I meet someone, I would let him know.
I met Lexis through Mr Banaman. They worked together at some point but they were not friends. When Lexis found me with him, he thought I was Banaman’s daughter so he drew closer to Banaman so he could get to me. The first day he spoke to me he asked about the relationship between me and Banaman and I told him he was my uncle. Shocked, he asked, “Uncle? I thought you were his daughter.” I answered, “Technically, he’s my father because that’s the role he plays in my life.”
When I was telling Lexis this lie, I never thought we would amount to anything. I didn’t see love potential in his eyes and I never thought one day he could be the man I would date. I saw him as someone who knew Banaman and also knew me. He kept drawing nearer. He called at odd hours—hours only people with love in their hearts would call. When he called he spoke like someone who was interested in my story, someone who wanted a piece of my life like a kid wants a piece of cake. As time went on, I got his intentions so I started learning about him. By the time he proposed, I knew him too well.
I said yes but a day after saying yes, I realized I’d made a mistake. “How do I erase the concept he has about me and Banaman?” He knows Banaman as my uncle, a man who plays a fatherly role in my life. How do I get him to un-know that?”
Whenever we discussed my family he would bring Banaman’s name. When I met him, the desire was to do away with Banaman and concentrate on him but each time I tried to forget, he brought Banaman into our conversations.
Banaman was also lurking in the shadows. I had told him about this new man I was seeing. Though I didn’t say a name, and he was aware that it brought closure to what we had, he wasn’t ready to let me go. “He’s just a boyfriend. Why let me go when you don’t even know how far you two would go? Boys may leave you one day but a man like me always stays.” I told him I couldn’t play that game very well because I was a one-man-at-a-time kind of woman. He didn’t get it, he pursued me relentlessly, asking me to stay with him.
One day he met Lexis in my absence. I don’t know the kind of conversation they had but after that meeting, Banaman got the understanding that I was dating Lexis. He asked me about it and I denied it at first. He knew too much and was sure I was lying so he pushed me to the wall until I accepted that it was Lexis I was dating.
“Does he know about us?” He asked me.
I nodded and said, “But in a different way. You’re my uncle, per what he knows.”
What I told him gave him the armour to stick around my life. If my boyfriend knows him to be my uncle, then he can pretend to be playing that role and stick around for as long as he wants. I didn’t want that. I felt he was blackmailing me. I begged him to stay away. He even asked for a closure sex and I gave it to him. After, he looked me in the face and said, “No, it can’t end this way. I can’t lose you to that boy. He’ll leave you someday I know, but I should be the one you come back to.”
Seeing where the issue was going, I decided to tell Lexis the truth so the two of us will see how to manage it. I thought he loved me enough to withstand the shock of the news so I ran to him and told him everything. He laughed that kind of laughter people in pain laugh. He asked, “You’re dating your uncle?” “No, he’s not my uncle. He’s not a family. I lied. Forgive me.”
He didn’t forgive. We had dated for over a year. “The truth came a year too late, I can’t forgive you.” He walked away and left me stranded in my own truth, while the lie I told a year ago was staring at my face. I cried a little. He was the best man to happen to me after so many years and it felt like we were going somewhere. I cried for the loss and also cried for the future we couldn’t have.
Banaman came around trying to feel right about what he said about boys always leaving. The little courage in me turned into anger and I used that anger to blast him. Like the snake, I was ready to lose my old skin so I could begin again. Starting afresh is always hard but what it brings is always beautiful. I spoke to him harshly and even asked if he would be happy if a man did to his wife what he was doing to me. I was straightforward with him. I told him to leave my life alone and if he wanted to take whatever he bought me, I would give them all back to him.
He left, feeling embarrassed. I stayed, feeling a little bit of regret about the way I spoke to him but it ended, that was the good thing.
A month later, Lexis came back apologizing for leaving me the way he did. I loved him so I took him back knowing that Banaman was off the picture. Everything was fine, we were happy enjoying the little things we had until one day he told me, “We need Banaman.” I asked, “For what? I threw him out of my life the very day you left me. Why should we need him again?”
“There’s this business idea I have. It’s huge. We’ll be successful but we need his money for the start of the business.”
I looked at him and he looked back at me. “Business idea? And you think the best way is to raise money from a man who was the reason you left me the first time?”
I thought it was a test so I said no. I told him nothing would send me back to that man. I even made him a promise that I would support his business idea with all my savings if that’s what it will take. He insisted on bringing the man back into the picture so I asked, “As what?” He said, just pretend that you two are back together and start taking from him.” I asked, “If he wants sex, I can give it to him?” He answered, “You’re not a child, you should know how to navigate through these lines.”
I still took it as a test until one evening after sex he looked me deep in the eyes and said, “If you love me as much as you proclaim, you’ll do what I told you, just for the betterment of our future.” The response that came to my head I couldn’t say it with my mouth but I knew it was over. The way he put it made me realise he really meant what he said. I didn’t say a word. When he left I sent him a message, “If you love me as much as you proclaim, you’ll not use me as a pawn for your dreams. It’s over. Obviously, you came back with a plan and I was too stupid not to have seen it.”
He called to tell me I was making a mountain out of a molehill. In his defence, he repeated his request and said it was the best for both of us. Days later when he realized I was serious about leaving him, he came telling me it was all a joke. I told him, “Then I’m sorry. I took it seriously. In your next relationship, don’t joke with such issues, you’re not a comedian.”
He’s still pursuing me. He’s still selling his dreams of a better future to me. He said, “Don’t worry, we can work with what we have. With your savings and mine, we can still make it work.”
I shook my head and told him, “Whoever sold me as a fool to you made a mistake. Go for your refund.”
I’m happy he gave me the courage to run away from Banaman. Maybe, that’s the role the universe brought him to play in my life. I’m glad I met him. I’m happy about what he made me do but there’s no space in my life for a guy like him.
— B.B
