My fiancé, Eli, and I have been together for the past eight years now. He is everything I have always prayed to God to give me in a partner. He is very good to me, and everyone else around him. He is someone who goes out of his way to be there for others. I’m always thanking God for blessing me with a kindhearted man like him. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or cheat. He is a diamond in the rough. Our relationship is not a bed of roses, but we rarely have problems. We have gotten to understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses so we are able to avoid unnecessary quarrels. My only issues are a few problems I have with his family.
The first of my problems have to do with his mother. She is a nice woman but she has a cruel way with words. Sometimes I don’t think she means to be hurtful when she says certain things. She is just blunt by nature, and that makes her unpredictable. You can’t tell when she would serve you a bitter pill to swallow. Other times too I think she hides behind honesty, to be mean. And then she would say, “You know that’s how I am. I don’t sugarcoat lies and present them as truth. I say it as it is.” This attitude of hers has left me on the receiving end of her insults sometimes. I usually tell my partner, “Why do you stand by and watch your mother talk to me anyhow?” And he would say, “That’s how she talks to everyone, haven’t you noticed? She doesn’t know she’s being rude. It’s just her attitude.” So I try to accommodate her and not get offended when she insults me sometimes.
Besides, it’s difficult to stay mad at her because of how good she is. When I started my business, she gave me a shop to operate from. And she has shown me other acts of kindness that I appreciate very much. Currently, my fiancé and I have rented an apartment close to her house. This makes it easier for me to access the shop seeing as it’s in front of her house. She also supported as when we were performing my knocking rites. We are going through premarital counselling while preparing to get married, and she is supporting us with that too. Eli’s father who lives abroad is also making arrangements for Eli to join him outside the country. Because of this, his mother proposed to me, “Eyram, I think that when Eli goes to join his father, you should move into the house with me. It will be better if we keep each other company than to live apart.” I don’t know why she came up with such an idea but I don’t want to live with her because of the way she talks. Yet I don’t want to offend her by saying no.
I asked my fiancé to intervene but he said, “This is between you and my mother so I will stay out of it. You need to learn how to stand your ground with her. You know that if things go as planned, I won’t be around to defend you all the time.” So now it’s either I say no to her and risk looking like a bad person, or I say yes to her and live with her in misery.
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My next problem has to do with his father’s attitude toward our marriage. Because of him, we delayed our knocking ceremony until he arrived in the country in December, last year. Even though I wasn’t happy with the delay, the ceremony took place so I didn’t complain. During Eli’s visa application process, this man said my fiancé had to apply as a single man. After he did that, he explained that we can’t have a white wedding or a court wedding. He has advised that we only perform a small traditional ceremony between our families and a few friends. That is not the kind of wedding I had in mind but I have decided to go along with it regardless.
This brings me to the next problem, the date for our traditional marriage. Eli wants to get married while his father is present, so we fixed our date according to his schedule. This man would agree on a date but when the time is approaching he would call and say, “Sorry, I won’t be able to make it on the date we planned. I thought I could get some time off work but I can’t. Let’s choose another date.” We would choose another date and he would still cancel last minute. The last time it happened he said, “If it would be a problem, let my brother step in for me.” But Eli refused. So instead of getting married this year, the date has been postponed to next year in February. I am concerned that he would keep pushing it around until Eli leaves the country without marrying me. I don’t know how to address this issue without sounding insecure.
My last concern has to do with fertility issues. My fiancé and I have been having shuperu without protection or any form of contraceptives for the past six months. But I haven’t conceived. Which made me realize that we were not always using protection for the past eight years. Yet somehow, I never got pregnant. I never even had a pregnancy scare. I know that some people have to try for a long time before they get pregnant so I am trying not to worry about it. But I can’t shake off the feeling that something might be wrong somewhere. Are there any home remedies to boost fertility that anyone can share with me? I want to exhaust all possible options before I consult a specialist.
—SOPHIA
