Before I met him, I dated men who were mostly in high positions. You see sometimes when you have brains and a body shape close to perfect, it gets you into trouble if you let it, or it takes you places. Mine was the latter. I got a lot of attention because of the way I looked. Nevertheless, I didn’t let it get to my head, because I knew most of the men who came my way just wanted a piece of me. They took on responsibilities in my life that they weren’t supposed to all in an attempt to soften me up. But I remained as impenetrable as a fortress. In the end, some of them got frustrated and left. Others too held on tightly believing that I would eventually open the jar to my hidden treasure and give them the cookie but it never happened.
Among all these men, there was this particular one who stuck around for many years. I believe that man is a descendant of Job because his patience has no limits. He wanted to be the last man standing at the end of the day so even when he got frustrated and left, he always came back. He broke up with me four times. Each time he would accuse me, “I am not the only man in your life. You have been cheating on me with other men. After everything I do for you, how could you?” I never bothered to beg him to stay or explain anything to him. I always watched him leave and come back. He always made me take medical tests to prove that I was clean. It was daunting but it kept him happy so I did it.
He did big things for me but I did not love him. I did not see a future with him. And I was not deceptive about my feelings either. He was the one who felt he could tame my heart into loving him by performing grand gestures. I put up with him until I got to the age where I wanted to get married. That was when I finally set him free and went on a search for the man who would make my heart sing sweet melodies and fill my tummy with butterflies. Men came and men left but none of them moved me. Some of them tried desperately to hold on to me but I let them go. Others too decided I was too toxic for them and let me go.
My search continued until I met Marvin. He was relentless in his pursuit of me. He loved me so much that the day I told him, “I’m sorry, Marvin. You are a nice man but I can’t be with you,” he completely shut down. I knew he was in pain but I did not want to be with him out of pity. So I walked away. He was an almost perfect man but I was certain someone better would come my way. I believed a girl like me was meant to be with the perfect man. That’s why I let Marvin go.
I was so used to letting men go that I thought letting Marvin go was going to be another walk in the park. But it wasn’t. I started missing him. Everything I saw reminded me of him. I couldn’t remove him from my thoughts. It drove me insane. After a few weeks of being tortured by his memories, I called him. “Wow. Where did I sleep that you called to check up on me?” He asked. He sounded genuinely surprised. And he took my phone call as a sign to pray fervently about me.
Whatever prayers he said did wonderful things to my heart because it started beating Marvin’s name. All of a sudden, I would get butterflies in my tummy at the sight of him. I would often wonder, “Why didn’t I feel this way about him earlier? What changed?” I never figured out what changed. But I said yes to him and we got married without wasting too much time. He was an almost perfect man but he was perfect for me. You could literally see happiness radiating off us on our wedding day. This happiness became manifest on our wedding night and all the nights during our honeymoon. So right after the honeymoon, I found out that I was pregnant.
The news of the pregnancy added joy to our already joyous home. Marvin was over the moon. And he has done everything to be a good support system. He does laundry and cleans so I wouldn’t do it all alone. Every time I thought about our marriage and everything we have I would say, “God I am so grateful for your blessings. What more can I ask you for? I have it all.” Maybe my thoughts that I have it all pushed the universe to bust my happy bubbles. Because I started noticing something weird about my husband.
Whenever he makes a phone call, he puts his phone on speaker. That is how it has always been. So I found it weird when he made a particular call and didn’t put it on speaker. I didn’t ask him any questions but I found out that it was about betting. I confronted him lovingly and asked what was going on. He told me, “It’s nothing to worry about, babe. The guys and I were just having a conversation about betting at work and I got curious. I don’t intend to bet.” He had never lied to me so I did not doubt him.
However, I was going through his phone one day when I saw Betway as his frequent search. I got furious but I was calm when I asked him about it. He told me, “You don’t have to worry. I have never staked a bet. I only go there to see matches of the day.” This time around I did not believe him but I made him think I did. A week after our conversation I took his phone again. I managed to log into his betting account. And the things I saw had me screaming “Eii! Eii! Eii!” My husband had staked about forty bets and won only two.
The anger, the rage, and the disappointment, I felt were too much for me to contain. I took screenshots and sent them to my phone as evidence. Then I prayed and slept. Two days later he asked what images I sent from his phone to mine. That was when I lost it. It was late in the night and raining too. And I was seven months pregnant. All of these elements combined had me feeling very vulnerable. I cried like a baby, put some clothes on, and left the room because I just couldn’t understand him. I have been supportive in every aspect of our marriage. God has been good to us. There were things we thought we could not afford that we ended up having. So I kept asking myself, “Why is he gambling? What at all does he want in this life?”
He apologized extensively the next day and I forgave him. I told him, “You started lying to me the moment you started gambling. Now I am finding it difficult to trust you. But I want to trust you again, so no more lies okay?” He nodded and promised to let go of all his gambling. Three days after that conversation I caught him again. This time I talked from my heart. I let him know how much his gambling habits hurt me. He saw my pain and cried, “Dear, I need help. Please don’t give up on me.” I felt the best way I could help him was to monitor him. So I have been doing that.
For a while now I haven’t seen any betting records because I open his account and it’s completely empty. Maybe he clears it. My problem is, a few days ago I saw lots of Momo transactions on his phone. They summed up to over GHC1000. I keep my husband’s salary in my bank account so I know all his finances. That’s how I know the money in his MoMo is not part of his salary. I checked the mobile money account today as well and the new balance is less than GHC500. Where did all the money go after just a day? I noticed the person who sends him most of the money is a guy named Samuel. I don’t know how to confront him because I feel that may spook him and get him to cover his tracks. I also don’t know how to deal with the situation.
What do I do?
— May
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