I am a young lady who has been married for three years. My husband and I live together but I do not love him. When I search my heart, I cannot tell if I ever loved him. We were in a “situationship”. That’s how I would define our relationship. There was no commitment or love or anything that defined us as a couple. We were just hanging out and enjoying whatever we could of each other, and then we got married.
I will admit, my husband is a very cool and calm man. He tries his best to provide everything I need. He handles me with tenderness and takes good care of me. I should be happy that I’m married to him but there’s a slight problem that is preventing me from thoroughly enjoying my marriage. It has to do with the way my husband dresses. I don’t like it one bit. He is a mama’s boy so his boyish character reflects in his fashion sense. He would just grab anything and wear it, without considering if it is appropriate for wherever he is going. He doesn’t care whether the shirt matches the trousers or if the shoes are the type he should wear with the clothes. Just as little boys dress without any care about their image, that is how my husband dresses.
Someone would ask, “Why don’t you dress him up then?” Oh, I wish it was that simple. I personally buy clothes, shoes, perfumes, and other accessories for him just so he would look good, the way an adult man should. But my man wouldn’t wear them. He prefers his lack of style to the change I am trying to introduce into his life. What haven’t I tried to make him grow up? But he chooses to stick to what he knows. Sometimes I would tell him, “Stripes should always go with plain.” “Don’t wear slippers with that outfit, it ruins the look.” “Don’t be all over the place when you are talking to people you are not well acquainted with.” Instead of him taking my advice, he tells me; “I am the man in this marriage. Don’t tell me what to do.” And that statement annoys me to the bone.
Because of his behaviour, I don’t go out with him to public functions, seeing as he would end up embarrassing me big time. This is difficult for me to say but he is not my kind of man in any way. And his refusal to learn and grow makes it difficult for me to love him. If anything it has made me grow to hate him with each passing day. The hate has grown so strong that I don’t want to share the same bed with him anymore. Although we are trying very hard to conceive, I hate it when he touches me. My revulsion toward him made me reach out to my ex-boyfriend.
This ex was someone I loved so much but it was one of those situations where love alone could not sustain us. After our breakup, we lost touch for several years until we reconnected recently. He doesn’t know that I am married, and I also haven’t said anything to him. We arranged and met. Upon seeing him, all the love I had for him resurfaced. His love for me has been rekindled as well. I know this, because the day we met he said, “The more things change the more they stay the same. A lot of years have passed but my feelings for you haven’t passed. Are you dating or married?” I shook my head and answered, “No, I am single.” He then asked that we give our relationship another try, and I agreed to it. We got entangled in our passion that day and had shuperu.
I don’t regret what happened between us. But I am scared that my ex will find out that I am married and leave me. I am also scared that something bad will happen to both of my men. I have heard stories that when a woman cheats on her husband, it has spiritual implications. And I don’t want to hurt the men in any way. I just want to be happy. And my ex is the man who makes me happy. I still love him so much that I cannot afford to lose him again. He is educated, sweet, lives a good life, and he is a perfect gentleman compared to my husband who till now has refused to be enlightened and behaves like an uncivilized boy.
I have always told my husband, “This marriage is not working for me. We should get a divorce.” He responds every time, “No, we are not getting a divorce. We made a vow to stay together till death do us part, so that’s what we will do.” I truly am tired of the marriage. So I am wondering if I should continue to stay with my husband and find happiness with my ex or if I should run away with my ex and start a secret life with him. Because if care is not taken, I might end up getting pregnant for my ex and lie to my husband that the child is his. I am also worried that something bad will happen to both men if I continue with my act. Please is it true that there are spiritual implications to what I am doing? How can I fix this situation I find myself in?
—Tasha
