I was about to write Basic Education Certificate Exams (BECE) when my mom saw me walking with a boy. He was my classmate and nothing was going on between us. My mom saw us and assumed there was something going on between us. She wasn’t angry or anything. When she got closer, I told the boy I was walking with; “This is my mom.” He greeted her and my mom responded.
When I got home in the evening my mom told me, “If you’re going to start seeing men then start with men who have something in their hands. Those people can take care of you so I can relax.”
I was surprised but I understood it when she added: “…so I can relax.” Life hadn’t been easy for my mom, a single mother taking care of four children. I saw her selling everything just to push us in school. She sold watermelon when it was in season. She sold mangoes. She sold roasted corn. She sold roasted plantain too. She didn’t have a large capital. The little money she raised went into our upkeep so she couldn’t have enough to invest in her business.
Dad left home one day and didn’t come back. He was an alcoholic. Mom didn’t like that so they fought often. My dad wasn’t working. He was a draughtsman who didn’t get enough things to draught. He was mostly jobless and relied heavily on my mother’s income. Most of the fights they had were about his drinking attitude and my mom pushing him to stop drinking. He got frustrated and left home without saying goodbye.
So I understood my mom when she said I should date men with money. I didn’t want to listen to her. I wanted to stay focused and complete my education before I give myself away to the one who’ll love me.
I nearly didn’t go to SHS because my mom couldn’t raise the amount needed. She had to borrow money from friends and also ask for help from relatives. When I got to the boarding school, I started looking for avenues to raise money for myself. I washed for my friends for money. I ironed for them. I fetched water for the lazy ones. It wasn’t much but it helped put food in my chop box until one day Sir Ernest proposed to me.
He qualified to be in the category of men mom spoke about so I gave him the chance. That was my first relationship. I started from the top. I dated my teacher.
Ernest was a provider. We had to lie to the school that he was my distant uncle. I could go to his house freely because people thought he was indeed my uncle. He paid my fees and paid for books. I never called home once for money. When Mom asked, I told her what was going on and she was happy; “Good you listened to my advice. Now I can concentrate on your younger siblings.”
I was in school, SHS for that matter but I was sending money home so my mom could pay fees.
Ernest took me to his home and told his parents I was a student he had adopted. His parents were very wealthy. I think his father suspected something but his mom was very happy Ernest was taking care of me. When we were leaving, they gave me a lot of food and even added money to it.
On vacations, I didn’t go home. Ernest sent me to his house to live with his parents. I learned a lot from that house. That was the first time I saw a microwave and operated one. His mom was very kind to me. She taught me how to cook foods I may never taste again in my life. She called me her grandchild. His father was reserved but kind too. He just wasn’t comfortable with me hanging around his son.
When I completed SHS and was hoping to continue life with Ernest, he called me one day that he was getting married. I was mad. I didn’t know what to do with myself. “But Ernest, why are you doing this to me? I thought you’ll wait for me to complete school and marry me. Why this early? Where was this woman all along? Where did you see her? You were cheating on me?”
He told me it was his parents who gave the woman to him to marry. I asked, “So what happens to me?” He answered, “Nothing happens. You’ll still be my girlfriend. I’ll do everything for you just like before. Nothing is changed.” I asked, “Would you continue sleeping with me?” He answered, “Why not?”
So a night before his wedding, he was with me. I was in a hotel closer to the hotel he was lodging with his fiancée. We had sex. We called it the last legitimate sex. On his honeymoon, I followed. I lodged closer to the resort they were in. In the afternoons, he’ll leave his wife there and come to my room. It felt like we were on a honeymoon ourselves. I was with them the whole time they spent on their honeymoon.
I came home pregnant. Just around that time, my results came and I didn’t do well in many subjects.
The pregnancy was something I couldn’t keep and I knew it. I told Ernest, “I’m pregnant. Which hospital are you taking me to? The earlier the better.” He took me to a certain hospital but he didn’t enter. A few minutes later, they were done. He took me home before travelling back to his wife.
After marriage, he stopped teaching and went into the oil and gas industry. It was very hard getting his attention. My education was at stake. I wanted to go to school, finish and be on my own before I lose him. I rewrote the failed subjects. It didn’t get any better but he paid someone who successfully got me an admission into the university.
I was in my second year when he sent me a message, “I’m sorry but I’ve left Ghana with my wife. We are not coming back anytime soon. I’ll still be here for you so don’t worry. Take good care of yourself.”
He told me he would be there but that was a lie. Slowly, he drifted away. He changed his numbers and changed his heart towards me. I was left in the lurch. I relied on my savings until it got depleted. In a desperate attempt to raise money, I called Ernest’s father and told him what has happened. That I no longer get Ernest’s support since he travelled. His father agreed to step in. He did me favours for a while until he started hitting on me.
Hmmm. It was hard. The hardest decision I had to make but eventually, I said yes to him and this man slowly pulled me into his world. We travelled to South Africa once and it was the best day of my life. To be in a foreign land. To be in a plane. To sleep in beautiful rooms and to be served foreign foods. I sent photos home. My mom was overjoyed. She said, “Don’t come back to Ghana. Stay there.”
She didn’t know I was dating Ernest’s father. Ernest was good. His father was better. He was an upgrade. Like driving Picanto for years and experiencing V8 for the first time. I was in my final year When he bought me a car. He rented a beautiful place for me and took over my life completely. I was a rich girl with no job. I sent money home weekly. I paid the fees of my siblings. Because of me, they could afford to dream.
After the university, he linked me to a job. He paid better than the job but I took it just to have multiple streams of income.
One day, I called his line and he didn’t answer. I called him all day but no answer. In the evening, his wife picked up and said in a cold teary voice, “He’s gone. Heart attack.”
I dropped on my bed like an empty sack. How? I saw him only yesterday. How is that possible?
Death doesn’t know yesterday and who you were. It comes when it comes. He died when we still had plans for tomorrow. My heart was breaking. My world looked like it had come to an end. I buried myself in my job just to be distracted. It was tough but I lived.
At his funeral, I saw Ernest and his wife. He tried talking to me but I ignored him. He followed me around but I didn’t give him any attention. I was there for his father and not him. After the funeral, he made calls to me. He was desperate to see me but I didn’t give him that chance. My heart was dead. I made a promise to his father’s spirit that I was going to be a better woman because no one could do what he did for me.
When my rent expired, I moved into a cheaper one. I brought two of my siblings to live with me. Their presence keeps me in check. I close from work and I go straight home. Time to build my life. Time to call my own shot. No man is welcome.
I’ve been like that for the past two years. I’ve said no to a lot of men just to build myself without the riches that were thrown at me. I don’t want to have another man and expect the things I had from Ernest and his father. That would kill the relationship because, to me, no man can measure up.
My mom has a shop now. She doesn’t call to ask for money. When she calls, it’s about “When are you getting married?” I tell her, “Time is pregnant. Let’s wait and see what it delivers.”
— Kate
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