I didn’t know my wife’s salary and it didn’t bother me because I could assume from the way she treated money. I could safely assume from her lifestyle and level of expenditure and what she herself said about her salary even before we got married. Those who have it spend it. Your level in life is basically determined by how much you earn and I knew my wife’s level even before we got married so nothing pressed me to go into the nitty-gritty of her earnings.
I don’t earn so much but I’m not a person to spend over my means so life is basically cool with me. There are other things I do on the side that brings in extra income. When times are good, we could live on my extra income and wouldn’t touch a pesewa from my salary. A year after marriage, we decided where we lived was so small so we needed to rent a bigger place. I asked her, “How much are you going to give away to support us?” Her answer was, “Me? What do I have? You know how much I earn so how would you ask me this question?” In the end, she accepted to pay for the services of the truck we would use to move our things. I agreed.
After going through the stress of moving and arranging our things, I asked her to pay the truck driver and she started giving me excuses; “I couldn’t find my ATM when I got to the bank so I couldn’t withdraw money. Why don’t you pay so I give it to you later?” I paid. I knew she wasn’t going to pay back and indeed she never paid. Again, her earnings were the reason she couldn’t pay; “You know I don’t earn much. Sometimes you make me feel you just want to make fun of me. If not, why would you be asking me for such an amount?”
So I decided to push her into doing something that would earn her an extra income. No matter how hard I pushed my wife, she always had an excuse as to why she couldn’t do what I was suggesting. Her last excuse was, “You know I’m pregnant. Let the baby come and we’ll see what to do. Baby came and she did nothing so I gave up on her. She wasn’t demanding. She knew how much I earned and didn’t force us to go beyond our means. No matter how much I gave her, she made it work so I had no problems with her.
When our first child came, we needed a car. I went home, took my father’s spare car that had been left to rot and sent it to the workshop. Months later, I became a proud car owner. In the morning, I’ll drive her to her parents, she’ll leave our child there and I’ll drive her to a place where she could easily pick a car to work. In the evening, I’ll do the same until our child started school. She told me, “My company is ready to give me a car and deduct the payment from my salary but you know my salary. Nothing would be left when they start deducting.”
At first, I took it as a passing comment until she kept repeating the same comment over and over again each day. We needed to have a serious conversation about it so I asked her, “Do you want to take the car?” She screamed excitedly, “Yes I want to. I would have taken it in a blink if everything was alright. The car you’re driving is old. I know my company will give me a new car you’ll love to drive every now and then.” I told her to take the offer. “We’ll split the deductions and pay. I’ll put half of the deductions into your account each month. I hope that works?”
Less than a month later, she came home with a new car. She was happy and a happy wife makes everything shines around the house. We had another kid. She drove them to and fro and it even reduced my work rate. We’ve been married for eight years and I’ve always been the one to shoulder almost every responsibility in the house. I pay fees and put food on the table. I pay bills and buy gifts for my wife. I don’t sleep. I’m always determined to work harder to keep my family safe and stabilized while my wife goes around watching TikTok videos, complaining about her low income and being the wife that she desires to be.
I was resolving an issue with her phone when my curiosity drove me to check on her messages. I saw her bank’s name and decided to go through it. I wasn’t looking for anything per se but just sheer curiosity. The messages read, “GHC5,700 credited to your account as blah blah blah. I saw her company’s name and other details that suggested that it was her salary. I went through a mile of messages to be sure I wasn’t making a mistake. Every month she received that message indicating that that was how much she was being paid every month. I was thrown into a state of shock. “What does she do with all that money and why does she talk down her salary as if her take home was only Ghc500?”
I was having her phone in my hand when I asked her, “How much is your salary?” Her face changed from indifferent to concerned. I asked again, “How much is your salary?” She asked, “Where’s that question coming from all of a sudden?” She realized I might have read something from her phone so she started acting jittery. I screamed it out loud and she said, “It’s not what you think. There is some other money that is paid to me but not necessarily mine. You don’t have to believe what you see.” “So how much are you paid every month? Why can’t you say it?” She responded, “Give me my phone let me check something.” I gave the phone to her and to date, she’s still checking something on the phone. She hasn’t been able to answer the question as to how much she earns.
I started investigating and found out that the car we’d been paying for was given to her when she was promoted at work. Since we got married, she had been promoted twice and each promotion came with perks she never mentioned to me. I feel cheated and played but I blame myself. We got married and it ended there. I didn’t do much to know what she was up to. I didn’t take interest in a lot of things that she was doing. I trusted her wholly, knowing she wouldn’t hide anything from me but from what I’ve uncovered over the last couple of months, I think I’ll take two hours every day to fear women.
I’m not leaving her. She’s the mother of my kids but a lot is going to change around here. We bought a piece of land that has our names on it. We started a building project on it and it’s moving steadily. She didn’t pay a penny but her name comes first on the land documents. I’m going to sell that property to my mother. Whatever we acquired together that has both our names will be sold. We’ll start all over again and she’s going to contribute. We’ll split everything down the middle, even when it comes to buying tissue paper. I’m collecting the contributions I made towards the car her company gave to her. It’s not her car. It still belongs to the company. I want every penny of my contribution and I’ve given her a few weeks to refund that money.
No, I won’t leave her but she’s going to pay for the cheating and lies and when every penny is paid for, we’ll become the couple we ought to have been right from the start. She apologized and suggested I shouldn’t make a valley out of her molehill. The apology doesn’t do anything to me. I’ve spelt out the rules. She has grudgingly accepted and I’ll ensure I carry it out. I’ve learned sense. I know what to keep a secret now and what I have to show to her.
—Mark
