I received a phone call from my girlfriend two days after I dropped out of school. She was crying. I felt disturbed and confused. I kept asking her, “What’s wrong?” but she wouldn’t talk. I felt so sad by her tears that I almost cried too. I asked her, “Are you crying because I decided to drop out of school?” She didn’t respond to that too. She just kept crying. I felt responsible and guilty for her sadness until she calmed herself down enough to speak. She said, “No, I am not crying because of your school issues. It’s about our relationship. It’s no longer working for me. I think we should break up.”
I probed her to tell me why she didn’t want me anymore, and her reason was about a fight we already had and settled. So I became sad and started crying because I felt she just wanted an excuse to leave me and she didn’t have anything concrete. I kept crying and begging her to reconsider her decision but she stood her ground. I was preparing to enrol in another university then so her breakup was poorly timed. I remember pleading with her, “Please, if it’s about me dropping out of school then you don’t have to leave. I have made plans to start another school.” But she still said no, so I let her go.
After the breakup, I spent a lot of time with my friend, Kojo. His presence distracted me from my pain. Kojo was a loyal friend who always showed up for me no questions asked. So he never asked me why I was hanging out with him more frequently than I used to. He just welcomed me every time I showed up. One day when I felt ready to talk, I told him that my girlfriend left me and that I was heartbroken. He empathized with me and did his best to cheer me up. It was during our conversation that he said, “If you don’t want another broken heart, date an older woman next time. Those women don’t have time for games, and they will take good care of you.”
The idea of dating older women was alien to me. I was afraid. “Why should I date someone who is old enough to be my mother?” I asked him. He said, “When I was in school, there were women who came to campus just to find young guys to date.” And then he came clean, “I haven’t told you this but I am dating one of such women myself. I met her on campus, and she took good care of me. She would come and pick me up for lunch and dinner. On weekends, she would take my dirty laundry to her place and bring them back clean and ironed. Sometimes, she takes me on trips outside Accra.” Chale, as he spoke about the benefits he gained from this woman, my interest was aroused.
He told me, “All you have to do in return for their kindness is to be good in bed.” At that moment, I laughed. Because, I hadn’t gone all the way with a woman yet, because I was scared of getting someone pregnant. Kojo told me that after school, his sugar mummy helped him get a good job as payment for his loyalty and commitment to her.
I was twenty-one then, but I had the physique of a twenty-seven-year-old, and I was sure that I could use that to my advantage in securing a relationship with an older woman. Just when I started my new school, I saw an advert on campus with a short code. It only required that I send the age requirement of the lady I wanted, and then I would get a code in return to dial and be connected to someone. And then if the person on the other end liked me, she would give me her number and we would start talking. I followed the steps and failed to connect with someone a few times but I kept trying until I succeeded. The woman who gave me a chance is called Aida. She was fifty-four years old at the time. And I didn’t tell her my age on the phone out of fear that she would think I was too young for her.
I gave her directions to where I lived and she came to meet me. To be honest, she was way out of my league. This woman was more beautiful than most of the young women I knew. She is a biracial woman (black, and white) who reeked of sophistication and money. My prayers had been answered. She would come to my place and take me out to dinner every evening. All her friends knew me. Occasionally, she did my laundry. My weekends were always beautiful: we either went to Cape Coast, Takoradi, or Akosombo.
She didn’t treat me like a dirty little secret, no, she showed me off everywhere we went. I hardly asked her for money because I was shy. What really mattered to me was how well treated me. I even forget about my ex and healed from my heartbreak completely. She was warm and very comforting. Men who were her age and others who were younger than her were trying their best to date her but she didn’t care for any of them. I was the lucky guy who got to be with her. Things between us were not always smooth but we often found ways to deal with our issues. She loved to have fun, and so did I, so we were such a perfect match.
However, our lives changed completely when Aida’s daughter lost her husband. She had to step up and take of her daughter, and her grandchildren. She barely made time to see me but we kept in touch on the phone. Eventually, she had to relocate to the States where her daughter lived so she could be there for them physically. There was nothing we could do but call off the relationship. It’s been years since she left and I am completely over her. The problem is, I am currently thirty years old, but I have no interest in women my age, or women younger than me.
Once I have had a taste of an older woman, that’s all I want. It’s not about the money. It’s about the way they take care of their men. I want that. But I haven’t had any luck meeting such women. The older women I try to talk to, don’t give me the time of day. So I am here asking if there are still older women out there who like younger guys. And if there are, how can I position myself to be taken seriously by them?
—Michael
