I was a flower girl for my aunt’s wedding. I was nine or ten but I can remember everything that happened that day. She married a rich man so the wedding was huge. I held a basket and threw petals on their path as they walked to the aisle. I remember how beautiful my aunt looked that day, the smiles, the boos and the cheer. When I went to school the following Monday I told my friends, “I can’t wait to grow up so I can have a wedding like my aunt.”
I was a child. I didn’t know what it took to get to the stage where you could have a grand wedding so when I started growing up and saw life as it’s supposed to be seen, I lowered my expectations. “Maybe not as grand as my aunt’s own but I would love to wear the white and walk to the aisle with a beautiful man like my aunt’s. Yes, I would want the petals too. I want them to decorate our paths as we walk into the grace of marriage.”
The dreams kept changing until I told myself one day, “Well, I don’t want the petals. Even if he’s not a beautiful man, I will settle with him as far as he’s a responsible man.”
I met Alex. He proposed a relationship on my twenty-eight birthday. I accepted it. That day I prayed to God, “Let this be the last. Starting all over again is difficult. Let this be my final step. I’m already tired.”
Alex was a great guy. He didn’t talk a lot. He wasn’t the kind of man that would tell you “I love you” every day but he acted it every day. He was different. He would sit and listen to me talk about my dreams and support them with a word or two. He was the battery to my torch and I lit up in the dark whenever we were together. He met my parents very early and I met his’ later. They liked me and a year later, we started talking about marriage.
“This is the time to dream,” I said to myself. “Can we afford what my aunt had? Can we afford petals on our path?” I needed to dream of a wedding that fitted our pockets and we did just that. Alex was an accountant for a firm he would love to brag about. He loved the company so much that he talked about it to me every day. “They don’t allow couples to work together, I would have worked out a spot for you there,” he told me. I didn’t need a spot at his place of work. I needed a spot in his heart and I got it so that was enough.
A few months before our wedding he started making some purchases that wet my dreams. He didn’t want us to borrow a car for our wedding and walk around the following day so he bought a new car—A white Elantra he told me was given to him by the company so they would deduct it from his salary. He rented a new apartment, a three-bedroom house in a very beautiful location. He paid for whatever I wanted him to pay for as far as he thought was necessary. Our dream was taking shape. My dream of a beautiful wedding was getting close.
A couple of months before the wedding, Alex changed.
He wasn’t talking to me about anything. He was always travelling and won’t talk to me about it. He stopped going to work and told me he was on leave. You look at him and you see he was hiding something but you ask about it and he tells you, “Everything is fine. Don’t worry.”
He didn’t look fine. He looked worried. Some days he was jumpy. A call would come on his phone and he won’t answer it. The ones he answered, he went out to answer them. “Alex, we are getting married very soon. Are you going to make me a wife and not talk to me? Am I going to sleep next to you while you carry your burdens all alone? Is that what I see in our future? What is it that you’re not telling me?”
Two weeks before our wedding, he got arrested.
I didn’t see him get arrested. I was told. I told them, “Alex? Do you mean my Alex? That can’t be possible. Arrested for what?” They didn’t have answers so I called his house and they confirmed the same to me. I asked, “What did he do?” His dad answered, “We are yet to find out. We are on our way to the police station.” I left the office and went to the police station to listen to what was happening. My heart was racing. I was sweating profusely. My world was crashing down while I watched. I prayed; “God, let this be a mistake. They should let him out today and apologize to him for making a wrongful arrest.”
He was arrested for embezzlement of funds and the amount of money they mentioned, I never thought Alex could have such an amount. I didn’t believe them. “My Alex can’t steal from a company he loves this much. No, it’s a mistake. Such a huge amount and he was still living like a man who had nothing?” We did all we could but they didn’t grant him bail. The company lawyer was a brute so we thought of getting a brute lawyer who could match him boot for boot but Alex was guilty so there was very little we could do.
It became obvious the wedding wasn’t going to happen so the family asked me to make the announcement to whoever had to know. I couldn’t write the message. I would write and delete it. The words didn’t come out right. The thought was all over the place. When I finally got what looked like the perfect message, I couldn’t press send. “What am I going to say when they ask me what happened?” I sent the message at midnight hoping no one would read it. Right after the message, people started calling me. They were not asleep as I thought or the heaviness of the message woke them up. I couldn’t tell them everything. All I said was, “We would find an appropriate date and communicate it to you soon.
The issue was sent to court and he was brought from the cell to the court. I was in the front seat. I was the first face he saw when he was ushered in. Immediately our eyes met, he dropped his gaze and I started crying. He couldn’t look at my face. He looked gaunt and disoriented. When it was his time to talk, he couldn’t say much. I thought he was going to say he didn’t do it. I thought he was going to fight for his life with evidence that showed that he was innocent but when the time came, he stood and watched while his lawyer pleaded for leniency. He stole the money. It was something he did over two years. He was taking all these amounts but it never reflected in his lifestyle so what did he do with it?
I was in court every day, praying that my man will be innocent. I was hoping for a miracle but it didn’t happen. At the end of court proceedings, he was found guilty and was given a three-year sentence. I fell on my knees when the sentence was pronounced. I cried like a baby but Alex couldn’t look at my face and couldn’t say a word to me. I watched as he was dragged from the court into the vehicle that brought him. He became a state property that day and we needed permission before we could see him.
I visited with his dad the first time. He saw me and he cried. All he said was, “Sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I will come out and make things work again.” I couldn’t say a word to him. I was crying. We all went quiet. I asked, “How was your first night? I hope they were lenient on you.” He said, “I can’t sleep. I’ve been having horrible dreams. Everything around here smells of suffering but I will be fine.” He asked us not to visit often as it brought back memories. He pleaded with us to stay out as he could carry his cross to the end.
A couple of months later, my parents called. Their mission was simple. They were asking about my next step and I told them, “I don’t know.” They asked, “Are you waiting for him?” I responded, “I don’t know. Life is long. Three years isn’t that long. Maybe I can wait. Maybe something will happen but currently, I don’t know.” My dad said, “We can’t wait for him. We will return his drink and get you back. You can’t marry a prisoner. It doesn’t look good on the family. Think about it. Where is he going to start when he comes back? Take back your life and begin again.”
I started seeing people but it didn’t look right. It felt like I’d left Alex when he needed me the most but life has to go on once we had it. I developed a plan. I will go and see him one last time and break up with him. That way, I could go on without feeling any guilt. I visited him, saw him and couldn’t say anything. “I told you not to come around. What are you doing here?” he asked me. “I miss you,” I said. “I think about you and I get scared of what would happen to you.”
We talked. We talked deeply but I couldn’t say what took me there. I went back home and decided I was going to wait for him. “At least, when he comes back, I will see how life would be and then take it from there.
I met people and still said no. My parents pushed men my way but I declined. I gave them excuses. I told them I wasn’t waiting for Alex but I didn’t like the men they brought my way. One dawn, the cock crowed and it was three years since he went in. I called his father all week and he was telling me about the arrangement they were making to have him back. Alex came back and I met him. It was over two years since I’d seen him. I looked at him and he was like a total stranger to me. We couldn’t even connect on any level. When he talked he asked me, “Are you married?”
“Not yet.”
“Were you waiting for me?”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Can we start all over again? I’ve seen God. I will start a ministry and make things work. I have a testimony.”
I sighed heavily. It looks like everyone who goes in meets Christ and they come out as new creations. I was happy he found Christ but I wasn’t ready to embark on that journey with him. He was waiting for an answer. He was hoping for a yes. He was very sure I was going to say yes.
“You have a call. Go ahead and answer it. While you were away, I tried many things and I’m still trying. I don’t think I can go on with you. I waited all these years so we could have this conversation and have a proper closure. I’m not doing this with you again but I’m happy to see you free again. Soar. God will hold you together.”
After that conversation, I left him with a free heart. It felt like I was in prison with him all those years and once he was free, I was also free. I could decide for my life with no feeling of guilt. I said yes to a man my dad brought my way. He already knew my story and he understood me when I asked him to wait. He wasn’t in Ghana so waiting wasn’t a problem for him. I gave him a yes and within a couple of years later, we got married and I came to settle with him.
I didn’t get the wedding I dreamed of—wearing a white gown and petals being thrown on my path as we walked the aisle—but I landed a good man who makes life easier for me. I don’t talk to Alex. Once in a while, he comes to mind and I wonder what he’s doing with his life. He managed to get my number and called not too long ago. He said, “It’s time to sow a seed in my ministry. God would be pleased with you if you do it.” I sent him something and wished him well. He sounded determined. I pray the seed germinates into a big tree that would provide shade for his life in God.
–Annabel
