I was barely twenty when I met Kweku at his father’s funeral. It was love at first sight. I thought I was the only one who felt it but he felt it too. It didn’t take long after our first encounter for us to start dating. The kind of love we felt for each other was intense. We were both sure that nothing tear us apart. We went through a lot together. He was broke, unemployed, and suicidal but that didn’t bother me. I stuck with him and loved him through it all. Whenever I had the means to help him, I did. He would say, “I want to give up. Things are too hard.” And I would tell him, “The darkest part of the night comes before dawn. Things are hard now but something good is coming. Hold on for me.” I was determined to see him become the man he was meant to be.
With time, he found something to do and started doing well little by little. People always say that you don’t really know someone until they start getting money. I never thought much of that saying until Kweku started acting out. I don’t know if it was due to peer pressure or the fact that he no longer needed my help. This guy started misbehaving and mistreating me. I tried to get him back to be the man I fell in love with but that man no longer existed. When I saw that I could no longer put up with him, I walked away. My mother didn’t like my relationship with him anyway.
After our break up, he found a nice woman and settled down with her. Whereas I couldn’t find someone who matched my energy the same way Kweku did. I searched for pieces of him in every man who came my way. Even if one of them had one-tenth of his patience and tolerance, it would have sufficed. However, no one did. I didn’t intend for it to be like that but he became a standard by which I measured everyone. If someone got angry at the least thing I did, I would think, “Kweku wouldn’t have gotten angry because of this small thing.” Then I would start looking for ways to exit the relationship.
After a few failed relationships I started remembering how Kweku used to tell me, “The way you are, I am the only man who can put up with you. You are too difficult to handle.” I didn’t take him seriously until I met men who just couldn’t deal with me. He had his flaws, many of them. I was able to handle him as well until he added womanizing to the list. That was when I tapped out. The one thing I cannot do is compete with another woman or many women over a man’s attention.
The pieces of him I keep looking for in other people are his tolerance and patience. That’s all I want. I want to have a man who will accept and embrace all of me just like Kweku did. Why is that so hard to find? There are times I fear that I would never find that someone. At this point, I will put up with a man with a thousand flaws as long as they can tame me with love, care, and patience.
Right now Kweku is going through a separation. He is unhappy in his marriage. He is unhappy everywhere he goes. He is looking for that sunshine, happiness, loyalty, and dedication I gave him when we were together. But he can’t seem to find it in any woman. He is also looking for pieces of me in all the women he comes across but he hasn’t found it yet. People who knew us when we were together brought me tales of his quest, that’s how I know.
I also know that he doesn’t want me back. He hates me for breaking his heart when I walked away from him. One day we were talking when he asked me, “Why did you leave me? I don’t understand. You were with me when things were bad for me but you left when things got better? Why?” He thought I was always going to be there waiting for him to return from his whoring and lying escapades.
We tried to get back together a while back but we just couldn’t let go of our past. What we are both looking for is the elements we loved about each other in different people. We have both been unsuccessful in this search. What do we do now? Is there any chance that we can move past our past and make things work between us? Or I should keep searching for those pieces of him in others until I find what I want?
–Arya
