My fiancé Abdul and I met in late 2018 in Libya. We are both foreigners in the land so it was easy to find comfort in each other’s friendship. He is originally from Burkina Faso but he grew up in Ghana, while I am a Nigerian who left my homeland in search of greener pastures. When we first met, Abdul was so calm and collected. He spoke like an intelligent and visionary guy and that was what drew me to him. In the course of our friendship, he started saying and acting in a manner that suggested he wanted to be more than friends. I had dreams to accomplish and I didn’t want to be distracted so I refused to acknowledge his advances. But no matter how indifferent I acted toward him, he was determined to win my heart.
One day I got overwhelmed by his efforts and asked him, “What do you want from me?” He smiled and teased me, “Finally, you ask. I thought you were going to act like an ice queen and continue to ignore me forever.” I rolled my eyes at him and repeated my question, “What is it that you want from me?” He still held on to his smile when he said, “You are not a child, Rahina. You know when a man wants you, and you know very well that I want you to be my woman. I have said this in so many ways but you’ve ignored me till this point. Give me a chance and let me love you in a way befitting a queen.” My heart was already warming up to him so said, “Okay, I will give you a chance but I don’t have the patience for drama and games. I’m determined to be an independent woman so if you misbehave I will not hesitate to leave you.” “I will not expect anything less from you.” He said. READ: US teenager who killed alleged rapist sentenced
Our relationship progressed at a faster pace than I anticipated. Barely seven months together, I found myself pregnant. We talked about it and decided to keep it. I moved in with him so we could save costs and get things in order for the baby’s arrival. In 2020 I had the baby but sadly, it didn’t survive. Abdul told me, “Only Allah knows why this happened, let’s not dwell too much on the loss. I suggest we have another baby as quickly as possible. Then in two years, we will travel home to meet our families and perform the marriage rites, Inshallah.” I was more than happy to hear that he was making plans for our future despite the loss we suffered.
Somewhere in 2021, I was going through his phone when I saw his chats with another lady. The lady texted him that she had missed her period and he replied, “Go to the hospital and get a pregnancy test. We will decide on what to do based on the results.” That was when I knew he was involved with someone else. There were no indications until I read that chat. I asked him about it and he admitted it. He apologized and promised not to do it again, and I forgave him. Since that time I started monitoring his chats. I realized that he was chatting and flirting with a lot of ladies. When I complained he told me they were just friends. Two of these supposed friends were Ghanaian girls he had sent money to. I didn’t believe that he sent money to those girls in the spirit of friendship but he insisted that it was the case.
He works as a building contractor, so his income is not stable. During times he doesn’t get any contracts, I take care of our expenses, including our house rent. So you can understand why I doubted his ability to give out money selflessly. In early 2022, three of his brothers came to Libya via road. It was when they arrived that Abdul got to know that they didn’t have money to pay for the trip. He also didn’t have money to pay for them. The driver who brought was displeased and wanted to cause a scene so I loaned him part of some money my sisters had given me for safekeeping. The total amount was 8000 dinar.
Fast forward, when it was time to pay my sisters back, Abdul kept postponing the date for repaying the loan. Two months after his last postponement, I was home when he brought in a surprise. Apparently, he had been paid at work, and he used the money to bring a girl from Ghana to Libya. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. When the shock wore off I decided to leave the relationship. Come and see Abdul begging and crying that I shouldn’t leave him. Hmm, I still loved him so I forgave him.
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Since then things became hard for me. He was broke so I took care of the house, paid rent, and bought foodstuff to feed the girl too. When he got some work to do, he used his income to buy a phone for the girl.
I didn’t understand what kind of influence this eighteen-year-old girl had over my thirty-six-year-old fiancé. When I asked what was going on between them he told me, “She is just someone I’m helping. I am like a father figure in her life. There’s nothing untoward going on between us so relax.” I decided to believe him and help this girl too. I got her a job and she quit after a month. As time went on, I noticed the unusual closeness between her and Abdul but he continued to deny that anything was going on between them. I kept hounding him about the loan until he paid half of it back. Just before our rent was due, he sent money to Ghana so I had to pay the rent again.
At a point, the girl he brought to come and live with us started misbehaving toward me. She only helped around the house when she felt like it, and she would leave her clothes all over the place. I would go to work in the morning and return in the after to find her and Abdul idling about. Sometimes they went out before I got home. One of my sisters who often saw them in town also complained about their closeness. I spoke to my fiancé about this several times but he made it seem like I was just being insecure.
Just last month, I got this girl another job and she quit five days later. I asked her, “What is the matter with you? Didn’t you come here to better your life? Why don’t you want to work?” She said, “No, I came here because of Mr Abdul. He promised to marry me and we’ve been sleeping together. I suspect I’m even pregnant with his child.” I asked Abdul if there was any truth to what the girl said and he retorted, “I have told you several times nothing is going between us but you don’t believe me. So what if she’s telling the truth? After all, I am allowed to marry more than one woman.” I couldn’t believe him. I told him our relationship was over and I started packing my stuff and looking for a new place. READ: Emily Carey Worried About Filming Sex Scenes With Much-Older Co-Star For ‘House Of The Dragon’
He came to apologize to me again, “I am sorry Rahina, I spoke out of anger. I didn’t intend for you to pack your stuff and leave. Please forgive me.” The girl also sent me a text; “I am sorry for my behaviour. I lied about being pregnant but I didn’t lie when I said Mr Abdul has been sleeping with me.” What I find surprising about this whole thing is how my fiancé used to speak about this girl as if she is a speck of dirt. I couldn’t believe he was sleeping with her but I also know that the girl wouldn’t lie about something like that. I can’t tell if his apology is genuine or if it’s because he is broke and he can’t afford to take care of himself if I leave him. I also doubt that we will be travelling to meet our families for any marriage rites seeing as I have been trying to conceive again after we lost the baby but I haven’t had any luck. The doctors said there’s nothing wrong with me but he refuses to go get checked.
I know that if I leave him, I will have fewer mouths to feed so I don’t have any qualms about leaving him. It’s just that some of my sisters are saying that I should forgive him. Whiles some of them too are saying I should leave him. I am also concerned about the balance of the loan he hasn’t paid back. How will I get my money back if I leave? I don’t know what to do at this point. Please I need advice.
—Rahina, Libya
