She started collecting money from my first boyfriend. I was nineteen and was dating a guy who was around twenty-seven years old. I didn’t introduce him to her as my boyfriend but somehow she found out and started calling him, “My in-law.” I was embarrassed by my mother’s attitude so I approached her, “Mom, I don’t think it’s right to take money from John. He’s not even my boyfriend. He told me he likes me but I said no so I don’t see why you would call him an in-law and take money from him.” She asked me, “Have I collected any money from you? Is John complaining or you want to tell me John’s money is your money? If you know how I suffered to bring you people up, you won’t stand in my way when I’m taking something from your friend.”
We didn’t agree on that subject. She sought to blackmail me with the fact that she raised me up. I told her, “Then wait until I grow up and start making my own money. You don’t take from people who are trying to be my boyfriend.” She got angry. She insulted the hell out of me. If I was still taking money from her or eating from her kitchen, she wouldn’t have fed me for days. I was nineteen but I was working. I sold things to get by. I wanted to go to school so I did every job that would get me the money to continue my education.
My senior sister completed SHS and did very well but mom didn’t have money so my sister bought forms and went into the military. When I completed SHS my sister wanted me to get into the military too but I said, “No, I want to go to the training college. I want to become a teacher. It has always been my dream to stand in front of kids and teach them. I want to achieve that dream.” My mom told me, “I’ve done my best. You can take it from here if you’re not ready to heed what your sister is telling you.”
I sold and raised my own money until I got enough and decided to go to school. My senior sister was then in the military so she also decided to help me complete school. When things got tough, I fell on my sister and she was always ready to help. By that time John was not in the picture so I fell for one of our tutors who pursued me as his life depended on it. He gave me money when I needed it. He gave me comfort and in return, I helped keep his home. I didn’t like him the way he liked me, I must confess but his love for me was genuine so I fell for him. I took him home one day and introduced him to my mother. That day when we were about to leave, my mother took him to the side and asked for money. He gave it to her. She was about to take his number when I interrupted, “I will give you his number, don’t worry.”
I never gave her the number and she fought with me every day because of that. I learned sense. I learned not to bring any man home to introduce to my mother. She had a shop that was fully stocked all time round. She wasn’t taking care of us so she was in the position to take care of herself. I didn’t worry about her. I was in school. I was the one who needed care from my man and not her. Even when it got tough and I fell on my mother she told me point blank, “At your age, you’re not supposed to run to me for money. You’re lucky, I gave you some of my beauty. Use it, you’re not a roman sister. A girl your age should be ashamed to come to her mother for money.”
I stopped going to her. It was my sister and my boyfriend until I completed school. Right after school when I hadn’t been posted, I went to my sister to stay with her. She had a space in front of where she was living so I started doing business there. I sold what was easy to sell and later found myself a temporary job at a construction site. I was in charge of the workers. I marked those who came to work and prepared their sheet for payment. The wage wasn’t that good but it kept me afloat until I got posted and started working fully as a teacher.
Then my mother started calling for money. She would bombard us with money issues each day and would want us to send it to her as soon as she asked. She didn’t care about our situation or whether or not we had the money. She would call in the morning and say something like, “I went to the hospital today and spent everything on me. I need money. Send me something.” In the next few hours, if you don’t send, you’re in trouble. She will call and call until your phone’s battery dies. Sometimes she would even cry on you; “Do you know how I’ve suffered? Your father abandoned you and I was the only one there for you. Today you’re grown and have money and you think you can deny your mom comfort?”
That was all she said to take money from us. She would take from me and take from my sister too. So the two of us came together and agreed that we won’t wait for her to ask before we send her something. Every month, we’ll put money together and send it to her. She still has the shop that she earns from. Each month we send her GHC1,000. That isn’t bad for a woman who lives alone and doesn’t take care of anyone but this woman would still find a way to demand from us after taking her monthly allowance. It’s either utilities had claimed her money or she went to the hospital and spent it there or someone stole the money from her room. Most of the excuses were lies but she is our mom. We didn’t want to hurt her so we gave when she asked.
It got to a point my sister stopped picking up her calls. She even told her she had travelled outside the country for peacekeeping. When my sister wasn’t picking up her calls, she turned all her attention to me. I’m a teacher. I don’t earn so much so I do a lot of stuff to keep my body and spirit together but this woman always wants to take from me. When she asks and I tell her I don’t have it, the whole community would hear about me. She would call and lament, “Do you know how I suffered for you? Whenever you came to me for money, I had to find it wherever I could. Now you won’t do the same for me?”
So one day I told her, “When you need money you have to take your time. I don’t run a bank here. Sometimes I have to go around looking for what you asked. I don’t like the way you push me to the wall anytime you want money. Even if I don’t have it, you force me to get it for you.” She screamed, “Do you know how I’ve suffered for you?” I screamed back, “Mom when I was young, you didn’t give me money that easily. You insulted me and sometimes refused to give me what I asked for. Don’t make it sound like you gave me whenever I came, no you didn’t. Even when you had it, you refused.”
I was tired so I had to stand up for myself. This woman got infuriated and started crying right there. She said, “I now understand your mind. You think I didn’t give you so you’re paying me back? Good for you but God will deal with you for telling me this nonsense. You’ll suffer to gain. You’ll run to my feet and crawl for forgiveness and I would never mind you. You think your arms can now reach your back so you can talk to me anyhow? Watch me.” I didn’t mind her. I called my sister and told her. She got angry. She called my mom and gave it to her; “You’ve been a bad parent but we’ve always tolerated you. If you told my sister that then you don’t mean well. You don’t love us like a mother should love her daughters. Do we operate a gold refinery? What do you want from us?”
My sister doesn’t care. She has a stone heart sometimes and can ignore certain things but not me. She had stopped giving my mom money. She told her to withdraw the statement she said to me before she would give her anything. What she said to me hurt so I reported to family elders and they told me I have to go to my mom and apologize to her. I said, “I’m the one who was cursed here for doing no harm to her. Why should I be the one to apologize to her?” They said, “She’s your mom. An elder cannot be wrong in front of the younger ones. Go to her and fall on your knees.”
I asked my sister to escort me and she said she would never do such a thing. I went to my mom and she kicked me out. I don’t care now but I think of what she’s doing now and it hurts me. My sister gives her nothing and she won’t take anything from me but goes around telling the community that we’ve turned our backs against her. She runs into debt and they call me to pay. A woman went to ransack her store because my mom is owing her money. I called the woman and settled it. She heard what I did and called to curse me more.
Now I’m getting worried for her and all the curses she’s pronouncing on me. The gods can be crazy sometimes. They might not care about what I did wrong or right. They would just do what my mom is asking them to do. Now I live in fear. If any little thing goes wrong in my life, I shiver. “Maybe it’s my mom’s curse that’s working.”
My boyfriend is ready to meet my family but my mom won’t meet him. We should have been married by now but the mother I have won’t give us a reception. My sister thinks we should ignore her and use other family members but I think I need my mom. What should I do to bring her back to her senses—to listen to me and unfreeze her heart towards me. I get scared and I get confused. Please help.
