During the COVID-19 pandemic, a lot of lives changed. Some lives changed for the better, as there was a ban on social gatherings. People got the opportunity to spend more time with their families, and do things they never got the opportunity to do. Some people also used the opportunity to work on their art. However, a lot of lives also took wrong turns. People lost their jobs, and others lost their lives. Most of the people in my life felt helpless because they were not front-line workers. They weren’t out there saving lives or at least trying to save lives. And I also felt the same way. I wanted to do something to contribute to the big change the pandemic brought into our lives.
So I had conversations with people and asked questions about the negative ways the pandemic impacted their lives. With each answer I received, I tried to see if there was anything I could do to help. Not that I saw myself as Wonder Woman or Supergirl. I knew that I cannot really change much, but I just wanted to make things better for people. Anyway, through my conversations a woman told me that her teenage daughter was pregnant. She said, “Because schools have been shut down, an irresponsible man in my neighborhood has lured my daughter into his clutches and impregnated her. What’s going to happen to her education now? How will I take care of her and the baby?”
While the woman was venting about her family’s misfortune, my brain was looking for solutions to her problem. After the conversation, I spoke to a group of people who were interested in making a change in young people’s lives. And we did a little research and realized that quite a number of young girls had gotten pregnant, and some had given birth since schools shut down. So we decided to organize a program that would help these young girls cope with being teen mums and also encourage them to go back to school when schools reopen.
Surprisingly, our program attracted all sorts of people. Some were men and others too were older women. One of the men who came to the program is called Kossi. He came there with his mother. And after the program, he approached me and gave me and the other organizers glowing feedback. Then he asked me, “Can I have your number? I want to talk to you after all this is over.” I said, “Sure, why not?” And then gave my number to him. When he called he told me, “Look, I am going to be direct with you. I like you, and I will like to pursue a romantic relationship with you. What do you say?”
As much as I appreciated his directness, I didn’t know him well enough to determine if I wanted to be in a relationship with him so I said no. He accepted my response with grace and settled to be my friend. Through our friendship, I got to know him in ways that made me think of him as someone I could be with. He was very attentive to my emotional and mental needs. I felt so safe with him that I often turned to him for support. And he was always there for me whenever I needed him to be. I am sure he must have felt the connection between us because he proposed to me again in April of this year. This time I felt I knew him enough and I had feelings for him, so I said yes.
Shortly after we started dating my mother had an accident. Things were so bad that I couldn’t handle it alone. As always, I turned to Kossi for support. And he didn’t let me down. He held my hands when I was nervous, and he cushioned me financially when I hit drywall. While everything around me was falling apart, this man was my rock. I had to quit my job to tend to my mother, and Kossi made it possible for me to do that without having to stress about money. His support has inflated my heart with an undying love for him. And loving someone is hard for me, because of past experiences.
At Friday dawn, I joined Alpha Hour to pray, which is something I often do. But that day I connected Kossi to the prayer and use myself as a point of contact. While I was praying I received a revelation to do a background search on him. I was so confident in how well I knew him that I was certain I wouldn’t find any skeletons rattling in his closet. But I still searched, just so I would feel at ease with myself. And the things I found out were truly not skeletons. They were people. Yes, my devoted boyfriend is a married man with two children. Who would have thought?
I am more surprised at his ability to hide this kind of information from me than the fact that he lied to me. I don’t know how he is able to give me his full time and attention, and still keep his family happy. Because there are no signs that I am not the only woman in his life. I am too devastated to confront him directly. But I have asked him on several occasions, “Kossi, are you married?” And he always says, “Will I spend this much time with you if I had a wife waiting for me at home?” The other question I ask him is, “Do you have children?” And that one too he would lie, “Why do you keep asking me these questions? How will I have kids if I’m not married?”
The fact that he can lie shamelessly about having a family is what is breaking my heart. I haven’t told him that I know he is lying. However, I have changed toward him and I am slowly withdrawing from him. I love him so much that it hurts me that he is not mine. I know I have to leave the relationship but I also want to hurt him first for his lies. What is the best way I can get back at him, please? I need advice.
—Elorm
