I met my husband Nuhu, in 2017. We dated for a year and got married in 2018. He is the third born out of his mother’s five sons. And among his siblings, he is the one closest to his mother. The love between them is something I cannot describe with words. He tells her everything. Even the things we discuss as a couple, he tells her. If we decide to do something, he would ask his mother for her opinion and whatever she tells him becomes the final say.
Currently, we have two children and it has not been easy taking care of them. My husband established a cosmetic shop for me and he established an electrical shop for himself. You’d think that with both of us running businesses, we shouldn’t face financial challenges but we do. Sometimes what to eat is even a problem. Things were okay with the businesses at first but when we entered 2022, our market declined slowly until this point where both shops are on the verge of collapsing. I have come up with some ideas to save our financial situation but Nuhu’s mother does not approve of any of them so we haven’t implemented them. READ: US teenager who killed alleged rapist sentenced
I remember the other time when she came to visit us I told her, “Maa, the items in my shop have reduced. Because of that people are not interested in buying from me. Talk to Nuhu so that he will give me some money to restock the shop. I’m sure if it looks full, people will -” “-it’s okay,” she interjected before I could finish making my point. “Manage the items in your shop like that. People want it like yours but they are not getting it and you are here complaining. My son is doing his best so don’t put unnecessary pressure on him.” She said angrily. I just kept quiet and resolved never to ask her to intervene in our issues again. I used to consider her as a mother until she shut me down that day.
All four of my husband’s brothers live in the USA but they don’t help my husband when he is in need but that’s not a problem. I understand that it’s not their job to help us. After all, no one should suffer for someone else’s benefits. At least one thing I am grateful for is that one of them gave us his house to live in. So we don’t have to struggle when it comes to renting. Unfortunately, even though this is a blessing, it comes with insults attached to it. And I am the one who receives those insults. Whenever Nuhu’s brother visits Ghana, he comes to stay in his house with us. And he does not spare any opportunity to insult me.
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Some of the insults are too shameful for me to repeat to anyone so my husband doesn’t know about them. One time he told me, “Make sure you and your children don’t ruin my house. If not I’ll lock all the doors and move you to sleep in the kitchen.” I was very surprised he said that to me. Because, I swear to God, the house is always spotless. If they tell you that two children are living there you wouldn’t believe it. I am a clean freak so there’s no way that house will go to ruin under my watch. I know my brother-in-law probably said what he said to remind me that he owns the house and so he has the power to lock us out if he pleases.
I didn’t want to cause trouble between the brothers so I didn’t tell my husband what he said. I have tried to get my husband to cooperate with me so that we can build our own house but he insists on involving his mother in our plans. And she always says no to all my suggestions so right now we are at the mercy of my brother-in-law. If he decides to lock us out of his house today, we will end up on the streets. I have explained this to Nuhu several times. I even ended up telling him about what his brother said about moving us to the kitchen so that he would understand how vulnerable we are but he still wouldn’t budge. We have a piece of land lying around so I suggested, “Let’s merge our shops. I will sell my cosmetics and your electrical products while you apply for a regular job. We will use the sales from the shop for daily upkeep and save your monthly salary for building on our land.” He agreed with me and then went to discuss it with his mother. As usual, his mother didn’t agree with my plan so now he is no longer on board with it.
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Right now I have a foreign friend who wants to help me with some money to start a different business. He is an old friend I lost touch with but I found him on Facebook and we got talking. I told him about my marriage and financial troubles and he offered to help us. This friend of mine lives in Accra while we live in a different region. He asked me to meet him in Accra with my family so that he can get to know them. I trust him and I know that he will keep his word if we go and meet him. The problem now is my husband. He says he will not go, and he will not allow me to go with the kids either. “Well, then I will go and meet him by myself,” I told him. His response was, “You are not going anywhere. Tell that man to take his money. We don’t need it.”
I am wondering if I should go behind his back and meet the man with the kids so I could take the money. I know that the money will help me start a business, and I will save the profit to start a building project or rent a room for us to move into. It is better than living in a place we can easily be evicted from. Please I need advice on which step to take.
—Jasmine
