Adoma is one girl who gave me a lot of a hard time before saying yes. I loved her truly so even when she was showing me attitude and kept sending me rude messages, I kept going back to her with a heart of supplication asking her to be my girlfriend. She kept saying no to me until one evening, she came to my house unannounced. I was surprised. I thought she was coming to insult me or she was there to warn me to stay away from her. When I saw her I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. In a state of shock, I asked her, “Are you looking for me or you mistakenly found your way here?” She smiled and asked, “Is that how you treat your visitors? You don’t give them a seat before you start questioning them?”
She told me, “I’ve come to ask questions. You keep saying you love me and want to be my boyfriend. I want to know what love means to you. What’s your plan if I say yes today?” Everything that was happening—her appearance in my house, the questions and her demeanour took me by surprise. I told her I wanted her in my life because she’s the only one who fits. “You’re a good woman and I believe with you, great things can happen in our lives in future.” I was not saying anything sensible and she might have realized it. She told me she has rules when it comes to relationships and started spelling them out. The first rule, of course, was no intimacy before marriage. The second had to do with trust. The third had to do with vision and what…what…what.
I loved her. I wanted her in my life so I said yes to all the rules. She asked me, “Are you sure of what you’re saying or you just want to score a point?” I answered, “I know what I want and what I want is you.” She told me, “Love takes time to grow and with time, I’ll love you like no other has ever loved you. Just show me the right things and be candid with me. Love will soon take over.”
She said no sex before marriage but five months into the relationship, she gave in. I didn’t force her. I didn’t even ask for it. It happened when both of us were not even looking out for it. After everything, I asked her, “What just happened?” She told me, “I don’t know, you tell me. Maybe I’ve come to love you too much that it broke my barriers. It happens sometimes. Let’s take it as a reward we give to ourselves after a milestone.”
That night I couldn’t sleep. I was so happy it felt like I’d won a bet, but the happiness was short-lived when she told me it wasn’t going to continue. Once it happened, it raised my appetite for her in a way I had never experienced. I wanted it often. She didn’t want it to be the foundation of our relationship so she kept fighting me. One day, after a long struggle, I screamed, “Fine! If you won’t do it, keep it for yourself. I know what I will do.” I wanted her to ask questions or guilt trip her to have shuperu with me. She didn’t ask any questions. She preened herself up and sat upright in the chair as if nothing had happened.
There was this anger that brewed up in me and that led me to places I shouldn’t have been. I started entertaining other women. I spoke to an ex and got shuperu from her. It didn’t change anything. I still loved Adoma but she wasn’t giving me what I needed so I decided to get it from somewhere else. There was Jennifer. I realized she liked me so I started chasing her. A week later I went to bed with Jennifer. It was that easy. I asked myself, “What’s special about this that I have to fight over it with Adoma? Why can’t she be like Jennifer or my ex?” After all the things I was doing with those girls, nothing could make me love them the way I loved Adoma. In my mind, she was the real deal. The rest were just sinking sands.
One evening, Adoma called and we spoke for almost an hour. It was around 9 pm when we said goodbye. Immediately after we hung up, I called Jennifer; “What’s up with you this evening? It’s like I’m missing you style biaa bi. Can I see you?” She answered, “OK give me a few minutes let me finish sorting some things out. I’ll call you later.”
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Minutes later, she was with me. Just when I turned off the light and we were about to get jiggy, I heard a knock on the door. I ignored it. The knock came again so I screamed, “Who’s that?” The voice responded, “Just open the door and you’ll know who it is.” That was Adoma’s voice. I knew I was in trouble. I told Jennifer, “That’s my fiancée. I’m dead.” That also got Jennifer infuriated so she decided to put up a show.
She screamed at the top of her voice just so Adoma will know there was a woman in my room. I was trying to keep her quiet while telling Adoma to wait for a while. Nothing was working. Jennifer dressed up and started walking out of my room. I knew I was screwed. I thought there would be a fight when the two of the meet so I went to the door to ensure nothing of that sort happened.
We opened the door and Adoma was nowhere to be found. She was gone. When Jennifer left, I started calling Adoma’s phone. She didn’t pick up any of my calls. It was very late but I put on something and rushed to her place. I knocked and she opened the door. She said, “All I want to hear is the truth. Who was that girl?” There was no way I was going to lie so I told her the whole truth; “I’ve been selfish. Please forgive me. I swear it will never happen again.” She was quiet for several minutes. She told me, “It’s OK. Just leave but give me some time to think through things.”
The following morning she was the one who called me. We talked normally as if nothing had happened. We chatted on the phone all day, and she sent me smiling emojis. After work that day, she came to see me. We talked and laughed. She never brought the cheating topic up but I started feeling uneasy. Along the line, I asked her, “Does it mean I’m forgiven?” She smiled; “I wouldn’t be here if we were fighting. You told me the truth, right? There’s no need for me to continue fighting when the truth has been said. I’m fine. You said it won’t happen again and I want to believe you. You have to prove every day that you’re indeed a changed person and deserve forgiveness.”
Everything was great between us after that incident. I can even boldly say that the bond between us strengthened after that cheating incident. Our relationship was getting to two years so I was planning to surprise her with gifts and parties. We spoke about it and she even asked what we were going to do. I told her, “It’s a surprise. No magician gives away the secret behind his magic.”
A couple of weeks before our anniversary, she told me she would be travelling for a week to see her parents but she’ll come back in time for our anniversary outing. On Friday, I woke up to watch her status only to see the photos of her traditional wedding. She was thanking God for how far he has brought her and the kind of man he put in her life. I laughed. It looked like a joke but every status that came after the previous one confirmed the seriousness of the whole thing. I started sweating. I sent her messages. She read them but didn’t respond. I started calling her but she kept rejecting my calls. I called one of her friends I saw in the photos. She picked up. I asked what was happening and she told me everything. She asked me, “Are you two still together?” I answered yes. She said, “Are you sure? After she caught you with another woman you think she’ll still stay with you?”
I wanted to go to her hometown to witness the whole thing myself to believe what was happening. That was when I realized I didn’t know much about her. I knew she was from the Eastern region but she was never specific as to where. Sadly, it was that day I realized she had blocked me on Facebook. She wasn’t someone who posted on Facebook so I didn’t even realize it when I was blocked. I was trying every means to get to her before the wedding but I couldn’t. I had to give up searching and give in to my broken heart.
Some women can be very wicked but when you look at Adoma’s face, you won’t suspect her of that level of wickedness.
Weeks after her wedding she called me. I didn’t want to pick but I wanted to hear what she had to say. She told me, “I was dating this man before you came. He was on and off when I told him no intimacy until marriage. He wasn’t the only one I was with. I had a lot of them. I was only trying them to see who was serious about me. You were the only one who got to me intimately but you messed me up. I broke up with everyone after our knocking but I needed to shock you the same way you shocked me. I’m sorry, I took it too far but you deserve worse than this, looking at what you did to me.”
There was no need to exchange words with her. The milk had already been spilt. I was angry but I agreed with her that I deserved what she did to me. After that conversation, I blocked her so I can have time to heal and learn from my mistakes. I promised I won’t chat again in my next relationship but the next woman I dated cheated on me with a colleague I introduced to her. That’s a whole new story for another day. It makes me feel like I missed a glorious chance with Adoma. I had a good woman and I let her go but it won’t end here. Love gives second chances. I will have my second chance with someone else and I won’t mess it up again.
—Jeff
