As a relationship coach, I was curious about what it was men wished women would do more of in a relationship.
So, I asked men what they most want from the women they’re involved with or dating on a regular basis, other than lots of physical intimacy.
Their answers surprised me so I am sharing them with you.
The six things men wish women would do in relationships:
- Give them the option to not be physically intimate
Interestingly, while physical touch was a theme for all of the guys, the option of having no sex was important as well.
Men love to be intimate physically, but they also want to feel confident that they can tell their partner that they can’t or don’t want to and that it will be okay.
While for us, women, that might seem like not a big deal. But, to many men, it is because so much of their identity is tied up in their sexuality.
So accept that sometimes your man can just say “no.” Perhaps he will rub your feet instead.
- Help them feel that they are not obligated to do everything you want to do
AKA the mission creep. This was a term that I had never heard of before but all of the guys knew exactly what it was when I asked them.
The definition of mission creep is “a gradual shift in objectives during the course of a military campaign, often resulting in an unplanned long-term commitment.”
As applied to relationships, mission creep points to the shift that happens over time where a man is obliged to do whatever his woman wants.
Dinner with her parents instead of a night out with the guys. Hanging out with her friends instead of his because she thinks they are bozos. No more martinis because they make him act stupid.
Rules. Rules that didn’t exist at the start of the relationship — but crept in slowly.
Here are the solutions, as suggested by a man:
- Manage the mission creep so that you are both happy with how things are going.
- Give your man one weekend a month where he can do anything he wants (mostly).
Be honest with yourself. Is there mission creep in your relationship? If so, make a plan to change.
- Remind him that he’s special
Our lives are chaotic, jam-packed, and exhausting. At the end of the day, who wants to put out any more energy than is necessary?
But think about it. Think about how amazing it would feel for your partner to bring you flowers or plan a night out or tell you that you are beautiful. Pretty amazing, right?
So do the same for your partner. One guy suggested that you plan a weekend away. Or arrange and pay for the room. Maybe schedule something that he would want to do with you. Make it all about him.
Another guy said, “Ask if I would like a beer. Or if I would like to sit and watch a movie with them. Or make me something to eat. Something that shows they are tuned into the smaller things in life that make me happy.”
- Let him be friends with other women
This one is straightforward. Your guy had girlfriends before you met him. They were his friends and he never slept with them or wanted a romantic relationship with them because they were his friends.
Why, if he is in a happy, committed relationship with you, would he want anything more from them now?
So trust him. Let him be friends with girls. You like being friends with girls because they are fun and willing to go deep and be thoughtful.
Let him have friends with whom he can be himself, where he has nothing to prove.
- Think before reacting negatively
One of the guys said the following: “Take a minute or two of contemplation to respond to a comment that might strike them as negative and discuss their feelings rather than jump to conclusions which get internalized.”
This makes sense. And it’s incredibly difficult! To try to pause before you react, to understand where the statement is coming from and to try to respond in a way that is productive, understanding, and respectful.
- Feel comfortable in your own skin
This guy’s response was so perfect that I am going to let him say it: “It’s that simple. Walk around naked. And if it feels better to walk around in your underpants or underwear, then okay, a little mystery is good too.
“We like your dimples, your rumples and, no matter what you might think, we find all of you sexy.
“Okay … so that’s pretty simple. Get naked. Just as simple as taking off a few clothes when you do chores or hang out on the porch in your bikini.
Ready to give him what he wants?
We all, men and women both, really enjoy being in a relationship. And we, women, usually know exactly what we want and our men do their best to provide those things for us.
But, so things don’t get lopsided, it’s important that we make an effort to do the same for our men.
So pay attention. Try some of the things above. See what happens.
Mitzi Bockmann is a certified life and relationship coach. She has over 10 years of experience in helping people find happiness in life and love.
This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin.
