Everything was set for both our families to meet for the official introduction. My parents and I were ready to travel to her hometown to meet her parents for the marriage list. Based on our communication, it was safe to say that they were ready for us. I was beside myself with joy. The official introduction was not marriage but it brought me a step closer to marrying Mimi, the girl of my dreams. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. She knows how crazy I am about her yet sometimes it is as if she delights in toying with my emotions. One moment she would tell me, “Yes, Kojo I will marry you.” Then the next moment she would say, “No, Kojo I don’t want to get married until I travel abroad to pursue my Master’s degree.” Ever since I met her in November 2018, this has been the tune she expects me to dance to. That is why when she finally agreed that our families should meet, I was happy.
Just a few days for the introduction to take place, Mimi called me, “Kojo, why are you trying to destroy my life? You know that I don’t want to get married until I pursue my master’s degree. So why are you bringing your family over for an official introduction? When this happens, the families will put pressure on us to get married. I don’t want that so tell your parents not to come.” I tried to reason with her, “It will look bad if, after all this planning, we don’t show up. It doesn’t show respect to your family. Let us get it over with, and deal with the pressure of marriage when it comes.” She said no. When I tried to explain the situation to my parents, my mother got angry and fought with me for days. She said we made them look bad in the eyes of Mimi’s parents. It wasn’t easy but I managed to calm her down.
After that incident, I spoke to Mimi. “Why don’t you pursue your master’s degree here in Ghana so we can get married? I will support you through school. And then after marriage, you can pursue your PhD outside the country.” She didn’t even pretend to think about it. She shut it down immediately, “Oh no, I can’t do that. You see, ever since I was a little girl I have dreamed of travelling outside Ghana for my second degree. So that is exactly what I will do. I did not come this far to give up now.” I am not sure I have ever loved anyone as much as I love her, so I found her stubbornness very upsetting.
Then came the COVID-19 pandemic. Mimi’s company decided to downsize, and she was one of the few people who got laid off. It was a devastating blow for her. In an effort to comfort her, I suggested we take the opportunity to apply for scholarships in some schools overseas. I used my personal connections and the connections of those personal connections, but none of it worked. Not even one school called us. This made her feel worse than she did when she lost her job. I wasn’t the one facing the disappointments but I experienced them vicariously through her. I didn’t like the idea of the girl of my dreams not living her dreams. So I offered to send her to Canada and sponsor her education. In the beginning, she said yes. We looked into the cost, and I gathered money to pay for everything. To be honest, coming up with the money was a struggle, but the thought of how happy it would make Mimi propelled me to make it work.
When I succeeded in raising the money, she rejected it. She said, “Thank you but I can’t accept this. I don’t want a man who is not my husband to pay for my school fees. Use the money for yourself.” I wanted to shake her and scream at her, “So marry me then. After the marriage, you can still go and study.” But I didn’t do that. I didn’t say anything to her either. I just collected myself and kept my cool until my disappointment and frustration passed. At that point, I didn’t know what I meant to her anymore, but I convinced myself that anything is better than not having her in my life at all so I stayed. In May 2021, we applied for another Scholarship. This time, it went through and she got to the interview stage. Things were looking good for her, but my mental health was declining. Her constant rejection had saddened me to the point of depression, but I hid it behind a nonchalant exterior.
That same year, I went to Kumasi for an event and met someone new. Lily was nice and I easily liked her but she couldn’t hold a torch to Mimi. Nonetheless, that did not stop me from trying to start a relationship with her. The only thing that blocked me was her boyfriend. She said they were having problems but she wasn’t ready to leave him for me. Unlike Mimi, she didn’t have plans to travel overseas so I felt she was perfect for me. Nothing happened between us. We just texted each other like two people who were in the talking stage. When things got comfortable, I visited her in Kumasi. The date coincided with Mimi’s scholarship interview but I went to Kumasi anyway. Later, we found out that Mimi couldn’t make it to the next stage of the scholarship application process. She said she didn’t do well at the interview because I was not there for her. I couldn’t be bothered much at this point. I was all wrapped up in Lily. It was all fun and excitement until Mimi found out about her. I guess I wasn’t good at covering my tracks.
Instead of getting angry at me, she blamed herself. “I know this is all my fault. I haven’t made you feel wanted in this relationship. I am sorry for everything I put you through. You may not believe me but I love you very much. I just don’t want to get married right now. That’s why I act cold toward you sometimes. I promise to do better if you stop talking to this Lily girl.” I was making progress with Lily but she wasn’t the girl of my dreams so I let her go, and stuck with Mimi. In May 2022, I brought up the issue of marriage again, but my girlfriend’s answer remained as always, “First comes a master’s degree, then comes marriage.” I suggested, “We can get married, and then the next day you would travel outside for your studies.” She said no.
In July I asked that she at least let our families meet officially, to give me assurance that she would eventually marry me. She said no to that as well. Then in August, I asked her to come to a compromise and introduce me to her pastor. She told me, “My pastor encourages us to get married while we are still young, so if I take you to him he would pressure us to get married. And you know I don’t want that.” All I wanted was for her to give me something, a sliver of hope, a promise, anything to assure me that she is mine. But she has refused. So in December, I told her, “I want to get married in 2023. Go ahead and chase your dreams, when you feel you are ready for marriage let me know, just keep in mind that a lot can change in the blink of an eye.”
When I said that, I had started talking to a girl named Sarah. We met recently but from all indications, she is ready to get married. I started withdrawing from Mimi when Sarah came into the picture. So Mimi got mad and confronted me, “What’s going on? Have you met someone? Are you leaving me?” I lost my cool at that point and told her, “Woman, make up your mind. I have waited for you since 2018. If we don’t get married this year, we are done. I can’t put my life on hold just because you don’t want to be practical.” Even though I said that I didn’t really mean it. She is the only woman I love. I would choose her every day over every other woman. She is not perfect but she is perfect for me. I just want her to meet me halfway.
Let me add that I do everything for Mimi as most guys would do for their women. I support her financially, emotionally, and spiritually. All this while we have been together, I have never touched her. She said she wants to wait till marriage so I have respected that decision of hers. My question is, is it reasonable for me to walk away? Or should I hold on just a little longer?
—Jacob
