e wasn’t working when I found him. My friends called me bold for choosing a guy who doesn’t work. I told them, “It’s his future that excites me.” He did engineering in school. No matter how you look at it, an engineering graduate will one day find a job and the pay would be good because of what they do. I didn’t listen to my friends and the name-calling. I was working. I didn’t need a man’s money to live so I chose Eric though he had no job.
There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me. On weekends he would be at my end. When I washed, he rinsed and hang them. When I cleaned he carried water for me. When I cooked, he fanned the fire for me. Those little things to me were a glimpse into the future of our relationship. A man who’ll help with house chores and stay home with you when it matters most. Because of the hope I had in him, I started spending on him financially.
He had completed school and was living in Accra so his family back home thought he has made it already. They called on him for assistance each day and he would fall on me. That’s when I started paying fees for his junior siblings and also sending his parents money for their upkeep. I went home with him once and he introduced me to his mother as the woman he was going to marry. His sisters took my number and started demanding from me. When I had the money I gave them. When they asked for something else that I could provide, I did it without thinking twice. When you love a man, you love his people too and then you learn to love his problems because what’s his is also yours.
He went home one day and came looking depressed. I asked what the issue was and he couldn’t make it clear. “It’s some family issues. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it,” he told me. I called his sisters and asked what the issue was and they told me they didn’t know but his junior sister promised me that she would get to the bottom and scoop the information for me. One day she called. She told me, “So it’s my dad. He’s telling my brother to come home for a woman.” Apparently, there’s a lady he had in mind for him.” I was like, “Your father? The man I send money to whenever he’s in need?” She answered, “My dad thinks his son is a big man ooo. He thinks his son is the one who’s sending him money through you just to give you a good face in the family.”
I was hurt and the fact that Eric could hide that from me made the pain worse. I asked him, “So when are you going to get married to the woman your father is giving you?” He burst out laughing, “Me? Marry who? With what? Forget about that man and enjoy your life. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. They think I’m here sleeping on millions.” We had dated for almost two years and this guy didn’t have a job. I loved him. I trusted him too so I took every word he said line, hook and sinker. I mean, this was a man who was virtually with me every day because I made things happen in his life.
On his 29th birthday, I bought him a phone. The one he was using was a dumb phone without internet connectivity. His main phone got spoilt and they couldn’t fix it again so I gave him the dumb phone to use in the meantime. I was using that phone for the mobile money business but I had to give it to him so I could get a new one for the lady who was operating the MoMo business for me. On his birthday I got him a nice Samsung phone and this guy threw himself on the floor thanking me and thanking God for finding me.
Ever since he got this phone, I would wake up at dawn and find him online. He would call me and bid me goodnight but you’ll call him an hour later and he would be on the phone talking to someone else. One night I asked him, “Ericus, it’s almost 11pm. Who are you talking to on the phone?” He told me, “I’m having issues with my data so I called the MTN helpline to ask questions. I was waiting for the operator when you called.” “So Eric, you’re telling me you’re on the phone with an operator?” He responded boldly, “If not, who would it be?”
I saw him the next day and took his phone. I asked him, “The password, please.” He was like, “My password? What for?” I answered, “I want to see if indeed you were talking to the MTN helpline.” He snatched the phone from me and never gave me the password. This is a guy who knows the password to my phone and could go through the intestines of my phone at any time. So that day I told him, “Great. You’ve chosen your battleground so keep fighting.”
I stopped giving him money but he’ll go to the girl operating my MoMo business and take money from her. He would go to his hometown every weekend and come back on Monday morning, telling them he was going to work. Meanwhile, he wasn’t not working. I’m not feeling good about the whole thing. He’s hiding something from me. I’ve asked his sisters and they also don’t tell me anything because they’re scared I’ll leave him and they won’t get anything from me again.
I went to where he lives one morning and I was told by the guy he’s living with that he’s gone to work. I was like, “Work? Eric is working?” He told me, “It’s not a permanent job. It’s something he started a week ago. He goes and comes in the evening. I thought you knew.”
I called him and he didn’t pick up. Later in the evening when I met him, he told me the guy was rather lying to me because he only goes out to visit a friend on his project site. I feel this guy is lying to me about something. I also feel he’s just with me because of what he gets from me and not because of love. I’ve been getting the hint that he goes home to see the woman his father wants him to marry but he tells me it’s only a family visit he does every weekend. I think if I get the password to his phone, I’ll get the answers to these questions. I’ve tried but I don’t get it. I watch him type his password but he does it too fast I don’t see anything. My suspicion is killing me and I want to leave the relationship.
Something tells me I’m being hasty. Something also tells me being hasty about leaving a bad relationship isn’t a bad thing so I should be hasty about it. We’ve dated for three years. I’ve invested a lot in him hoping one day his engineering dreams would come true so both of us can live happily ever after. I want to leave but whenever I think about what my friends will say and how much I’ve invested in the relationship, I try to be patient but Eric doesn’t see my effort.
I want to leave him now and if I leave him, I want to collect everything I’ve ever bought for him, including the phone. He can’t use the phone I bought him to chat with the woman he cheats on me with. I really want to do that but I would like to know if it’s a good idea, to leave and not look back, looking at the signs currently and also collect everything I’ve ever bought him, even if it means he would go naked.
—Francisca
