I am a government worker who attends sewing classes in my free time. One February afternoon, I was in my sewing class when a group of my church members came by. There was a young man in their company that I didn’t know. They introduced him to me as a new pastor in our church. They said he had just completed Bible school and was on his first mission. He shook my hand, “Hi, I am pastor Ernest. The guys and I are on evangelism but we decided to stop by to say hello to you. I heard you haven’t been in church for a while now. I hope I will see you this Sunday.” I smiled and said, “Yes I haven’t had much time on my hands lately. I am working a full-time job and learning sewing at the same time. But I will do my best to be in church one of these days.”
I went to church the next Sunday after my first encounter with him. We spoke briefly after church and he asked when I would be home so that he would visit me. Visitation is a common practice in my church so I didn’t see his intention to visit me as a concern. We talked about my schedule and agreed on a day he could come. The day he visited me, I treated him the way church members treat pastors. I served him water, and food, and listened to him preach to me. He stayed longer than usual visitations lasted but I didn’t think much of it. After he left he started calling me regularly to check on me. He would say, “Sister, I will find time and visit you again soon. In the meantime, if you have any problem at all talk to me, I am your pastor.” Some of his calls were just to encourage me to attend church services regularly. And even though it was stressful, I attended the services.
One day he visited me again at home. He came in the evening and we had a long conversation. When I looked at the time, it was past 10:00 PM but I didn’t know how to ask him to leave. I told myself, “Maybe he came with a motorbike so he won’t have difficulty returning home if gets later.” When it was around 11:00 PM he told me, “Sister, it’s too late for me to return home now. Can I sleep at your place?” I was shocked by his request but I couldn’t turn him down. I convinced myself that he is a pastor so he won’t do anything funny. “Why will a shepherd devour his own sheep?” I thought while I gave him water to bathe and a place to sleep. I tossed and turned in my bed the entire night. Every little noise startled me. When the morning arrived, I was unharmed by my guest. I breathed a sigh of relief and went about my day happily.
That evening I returned from work to find the pastor at my place. He had come to pay me another visit. Two visits in a row, I didn’t know what to make of it but I went ahead and played the host. This time around too we talked late into the night. And he asked to sleep at my place again. I agreed, and that night too, nothing happened. The next morning was a Saturday so I went to sewing classes. While I was in class I sent him a text, “I have come to trust you. Not all men will spend the night with a woman and not attempt anything with her. You are a good man.” He didn’t reply to the text but later he called and we planned another visit.
On his next visit, he slept over again. However, this time around he made a move. I had come to trust him so I didn’t expect anything to happen. I resisted him but he put a lot of pressure on me until I finally gave in. We had shuperu and I felt bad about it. I never thought I would sleep with a pastor who has been sent on a mission. When I went to work, I felt terrible the whole day. It didn’t help matters when he sent me a text, “I am sorry about last night. I just couldn’t resist you.” The text made me feel like I was a temptation he couldn’t overcome. I couldn’t help but feel entirely responsible for the sin we both committed.
He sat me down one day after work and proposed we start a relationship. I was single and I thought about the fact that we had already slept together so I agreed to date him. Looking at the way we started, we continued having shuperu in the relationship. Even on the days I didn’t want to do it, he would insist and have his way. Sometimes we would do it three times a day continuously for a week. He told me, “My love for shuperu is a battle I am fighting. And I am hoping to overcome it one day.”
Fast forward I found out I was pregnant in April. The news made me both happy and sad. Happy because the baby was formed out of my love for this pastor. But I was sad because it was pregnancy out of wedlock.
When I shared the news with him he said he would stand by me no matter what. But along the line, he changed his mind and begged me to get rid of it. I refused but he kept begging me. He said he was worried about tarnishing his reputation. He promised to see my father and start preparations for marriage if I ended the pregnancy. He said a lot of other things but I stood my ground on keeping the baby. Somewhere in May I went for a scan and found out that I had had a miscarriage. They had to do a procedure to get rid of all the residue in my womb. It cost a lot of money, and the pastor asked me to pay for it so that he would pay me back but he never did. After I recovered, he stopped coming to see me and stopped calling me as well. The only time we talk is when we meet in church. I feel used.
I feel he has made a fool out of me. When we were together I fed him, gave him loans, and gave him shuperu whenever he wanted it. I have sacrificed a lot for this guy yet he didn’t have the decency to break up with me properly. When I think about it I cry my eyes out. One day I texted him, “You may be done with me but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pay back the loans you took from me. I want my money back.” He responded, “Okay.” Just okay, nothing else. I don’t want him to do what he did to me to someone else in the church, so I have been thinking about reporting him to the church leaders. Will I be right to do that? Maybe they will make him pay back the loans I gave him.
—Mummy
