I met Nana Yaw in 2020. The world was plunged into uncertainty then. The Covid-19 virus had people avoiding sharing personal space with others. Meeting new people was even out of the question because it was safer to regard everyone, especially strangers as carriers of the virus. One “Hello”, a wrong breath sent in your direction, and an accidental touch, could have you fighting for your life in the ICU. So, I guess it is safe to say that 2020 was the year to avoid falling in love. Yet it was the year I galloped and crushed into love with Nana Yaw.
We were close, so close that there was no breathing space for the virus to get between us. He is a complete gentleman. You know, the type who opens car doors for me, and carries my handbag when we are walking together. He is also very patient with me. When we have to decide on something and I can’t seem to make up my mind, he wouldn’t get upset. He would just say, “Do you want me to give you more time to think, or do you want me to decide for you?” and that just makes me feel respected as a woman.
He also has these little ways of taking care of me that I cherish very much. He charges my phone when the battery runs out and I don’t notice it. He also gets me my cravings without me asking him to do it. He doesn’t check out other girls when we go out or go about flirting with girls in my absence. We have this open communication policy that helps us make each other better. I know I am painting a picture of him as if everything about him is perfect, but that’s not the case. He has things about him that I find problematic.
He has tattoos and a piercing from his past. He told me used to be wild when he was younger and I know he is no longer like that. But my parents will not approve of him if they see the tattoos and the piercing. My family is so conservative that when they take one look at him, they will write him off as not good enough. Although the tattoos are positioned in a place that can be covered, the piercing cannot be covered. I also don’t want him to think that I am ashamed of him so I haven’t said anything to him about my parents.
The other thing I didn’t use to like about him was his physical appearance. He is very skinny, and I don’t like skinny men. I tried to get him to eat a lot, but no matter how much he ate, he didn’t put on weight. While I was contemplating his flaws, another guy called Nana Kwame came into my life and proposed love to me. And I accepted his proposal and broke up with Nana Yaw. “What went wrong?” he asked me. I didn’t have any answer for him. “Nothing went wrong. You are perfect, but I am too flawed to appreciate it. Forgive me.” I said those words as I ripped out the heart of the man who loved me beyond the Covid-19 safety protocols.
Later, I got to find out that Nana Kwame was the exact opposite of Nana Yaw. He got off on ordering me about as if I didn’t have any thoughts of my own. He is also very possessive and unreasonably jealous. He would get angry if I spent time with my friends. Sometimes even when I talked to my friends, he got angry. I couldn’t even entertain the thought of making new friends. He is very caring and generous, but our differences are too many. We quarrel all the time. And he always asks me to let him go through my phone.
He would read my messages and monitor my call log. If he calls me and it’s call waiting, trouble. He would ignore me for days until I write a long letter apologizing to him for talking on the phone at the time he also wanted to talk to me. The relationship affected my mental health and made my grades fall, because I was wrapped up in his drama, instead of concentrating on my studies. Nobody had to tell me to pull away from him. When he noticed that I was no longer entertaining him he started accusing me of cheating on him. Honestly, I didn’t know how good I had it with Nana Yaw until Nana Kwame came along and showed me what a toxic relationship looks like. He is making preparations to marry me, but I cannot imagine myself happily married to him.
I want to call off whatever engagement we have, but the problem is that he is the one sponsoring my education. Breaking up with him will mean losing the financial benefits he comes along with. I have even gotten back together with Nana Yaw, and our love is stronger than ever. I want to choose my happiness and my mental well-being over the bondage Nana Kwame is putting me under. I know that my family and friends will not accept Nana Yaw because of his physical appearance but I don’t care. I know that he is a good man, and that’s all that matters to me right now. Please, I need to know if I am making the right choice.
—Ajoa
